Postby Rikimaroo » Sat Dec 03, 2022 1:58 pm
Hello everyone...
This is Riki's wife posting this, Ruth. It is with great sadness & tears that I post this but he did wanted me to update this forum when I was strong enough. He passed away at 4 AM on the 18th of November. His last weigh-in was 90 lbs & I'm pretty sure he weighed even less than that when he passed away, probably down to 75 lbs. In his last week he said "I can't believe I'm actually going to die from this" & as much as I wanted & needed to desperately cry, I couldn't because I still had to keep it together for him as crying took a lot of energy out of him. That day he almost fell as he was taking a "step up" from the patio back to the living room. He panicked & cried thinking he almost fell but I was right there walking behind him in case anything happened. I reassured him over & over that he wasn't alone, that I was there with him & to not over think it because nothing happened. His heart beat so fast that I worried he would have a heart attack. It did hurt him though that he was so weak at that point. In the last week, he started to decline faster than ever & even stayed asleep most of the time unless he was in pain & me needing to give him medicine. It was a very painful week emotionally & mentally. The morning of, by some miracle, he was able to talk once again & woke me up around 3:30 am by calling me. I thought I was imagining stuff but it was him trying to talk to me. I went to him & he said he wanted me to help him stand up. His legs were like jelly but between his sister & I, we were able to help him stand up for a few seconds. As I write this, I now realize that I wanted to break down so bad as I held him in my arms for what would be the last time. After sitting him back down, he told me twice in a row "i love you i love you" to which I replied back "and I love you more!" He then looked above me towards the ceiling to look at something ...or someone. I looked up quickly but didn't see anything but then realized, something or someone was there to tell him "it's time to go now" ... to which he took his last few breaths & passed away. Within 1.5 hrs his body was cold .... & the funeral staff was here to pick him up. I had never seen anything like it before but it was REALLY hard to see his body lifted like a little kid who possibly weighed very little. We had his funeral recently on the 27th & a cremation right after. I will miss him SO much!!! and so will our kids. I did create a gofundme account for the funeral but I don't know if such things can be shared here. I also did create a nice video with some of his life highlights. If it is ok to share, I'll post those links. Thank you everyone who was a BIG support system for him & understood the cancer talk, it is so very much appreciated!
With appreciation,
Ruth
RC T3N1M0 12/16
MSS - NRAS Mutation
Chemo Rad, CCR - W&W 5/2017
Recurrence 11/2017
CT Scan 11/2017 Liver Met 5.5cm Stable, Stage IV
LAR/Liver Resect 4/2018
Reversal 10/18
CEA highest 500, lowest .8 throughout process, waiting for latest
Recurrence left vesical/pelvic sidewall - 10/7/2019 resect perm bag,
CEA rise Feb/May 3.7, 8.8, 30, Recurrence in Pelvic
CEA 40 right now, but was 57, so folfiri to beat it back down.
Lots of chemo for the past 4 years.