So……….I Have A First Date Tomorrow

[MadMed]

No it doesn’t, happy for you! Cancer isn’t who you are, i can’t tell you to tell or not. For now, just enjoy meeting someone new!

[saltygirl]

Don’t. Just enjoy the ride. I just got back today from a hiking trip. People on the trip asked me if I was a model. You don’t need to explain anything. Just love your life today. Have fun.

[Rock_Robster]

Congrats!

I’m married, but this would be my strategy (which I’d probably throw out the window when the time comes, but interesting to consider).

Date 1 - no mention of the C word. Just have fun. See if you like each other.

Date 2 - I’d probably tell her that I had been diagnosed with cancer. Doing treatment, or not; whatever the situation is right now. Don’t dwell on it, but I’d struggle to talk openly about my life and who I am without at least bringing it up.

Date 3 - if things look like they’re going somewhere a bit more serious, cards on the table. Stage, prognosis, etc. I think that’s fairer on both people; if she bows out at that point then fair enough. Otherwise, she’s along for the ride.

Of course this is ENTIRELY individual and up to you; I don’t think there’s a “wrong” approach.

Enjoy the date!
Rob

[claudine]

That's terrific
I agree with what's been said above; no need to mention it right away, but if things look promising, don't wait too long...
Meanwhile, I hope you had fun!

[Rikimaroo]

Hey bud,

Like Rock - I'm married to the most wonderful woman. I like his steps, maybe more steps, like after 2-3 dates, then discuss? I wouldn't rush into it, just enjoy life, if you are perfectly healthy, can get a boner, just enjoy your life my friend. If you can kindle a relationship from this person, that would be wonderful, court the girl first for a few, then if things start to get more serious, then introduce your health with her to make sure she can continue with you and be a supporter through your hard times, and also enjoy with you on your good times. Cancer is tough on relationship, so it is imperative that the one you become close to can embrace this and drive through the journey with you, downhills and uphills brother

Best,
Rikimaroo

[kirac]

My $.02, no need to mention initially. Not sure of your history (health history) so I guess the more it will impact you going forward, mention earlier. But obviously, if she cannot handle, she is not going to be a good fit. Everyone has something so do not worry about it.

Enjoy your date please. Life is too short otherwise.

[roadrunner]

First date? Have fun!

Take stock after that. If it looks like there’s potential for more, depends on what that means. If it’s potentially long-term “more,” you have to try to assess how the other person would likely take it, how important it would be to them, and what if anything you might need them to understand/do about it. (I know I’m not the best person to advise if it comes to that — I have a very bleak assessment of others’ ability to fathom or deal with cancer, so I try to handle it on my own as much as I can. Just freaks everybody out way too much, which is tiring and distracting from my goal of enjoying my life.)

I think the timing and nature of any disclosures turn on that. I think it’s very person- and situation-specific. But if it goes from fun to looking like something more, gotta consider getting it out there IMO, recognizing that it may well have a significant negative impact.

[CRguy]

So……….I Have A First Date Tomorrow

... AND ... ?????
don't leave us hangin' here

Best wishes
CRguy

[ginabeewell]

Who knows what someone else wants or needs in a relationship?

I hope you are able to leave room for the possibility that dating will allow you to come into someone’s life and make it better - without limiting yourself by worrying about the possibility of an early end.

Chances are good when dating that most of your experiences with people will come to an end far more gently than you’re worrying about! (Say, should you realize you aren’t compatible.)

There is a great NYT article about a woman who started dating with breast cancer. Will try to find it for you.

[ginabeewell]

Here it is - and she knew she was terminal:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/24/opin ... g.amp.html

[roadrunner]

Wonderful piece. What did Admiral Farragut say?

[Kick'nAssCancer'sAss]

Just be honest with yourself
If the shoe was on he other foot when would you want the woman to let you know.
You will have your answer.

Good luck

Mike

[saltygirl]

Seems like a fun night. My 2nd child was born in south Florida. Great place to live. Since I have been dealing with cancer few of my friends have died suddenly. 2 had heart attacks in their 40s and were found dead. I feel that you don’t have to explain to anybody anything. You are not marrying this woman. Just go out with different women and have fun. Since stage 4 I have started a club for women to be active. Now I have over 500 members. We have been on different trips together. Only few from the club know my situation. I have also started another language / travel club. I am looking for an opportunity to go back to work. But need flexible schedule. Because I want to travel. Daughter is out of state for college. Son will most likely be in another state as well. The conclusion is. Live your life to the best you can every day. I get you are depressed. I was as well. But being active and getting out of the house helped me a lot. Hope this helps.