Last time, everyone seemed convinced I would recur - and in fact, I did.
Then Dr Kemeny ordered one round of 5FU + Vectibix to prep me for an ablation, then changed her mind and ordered 4 - and my met disappeared. She ordered 4 more "in hopes that will wipe it out forever" which she felt was possible given my past response. I made it to 3 before hitting critically low levels and not qualifying for the last.
If my math is right, that totals 36 rounds of chemo to get me to NED for a third - and hopefully lasting - time!
It feels different this time. The first time, I knew I wasn't done. The second time, I hoped I was. This time, I feel freer - although if i am 100% honest I am not sure that this has anything to do with my physical body at all. I have done a lot of therapy and feel like I am finally "healing" myself emotionally and can honestly say cancer has been the best worst thing that ever happened to me.
The night I got my all clear results, I went to bed and had a vision about what I could do next to pay it forward. It's ridiculous and impossible, but also hilarious and inspiring. Should it go forward, I promise I will tap this community to make it as good as it can be.
In the meantime, focused on trying to gain some weight and rebuild my strength. Still dragging unless I take half a Ritalin in the morning, which has been a fatigue lifesaver.
We have a new CEO at work, and I'm in prime position to make his transition easier. It's weird to look around and realize that after 26 years, you are one of the most senior people at the agency - like, how did that happen?? Just before Covid hit, I had it in my mind that I might want to be our CMO (we don't currently have one) but my CEO at the time didn't feel we needed one, nor did our COO who is still the person with whom I work most closely. But apparently the other day as they had a first meeting, the new CEO asked why don't we have a CMO, and he answered, "We essentially do - it's Gina. She just doesn't have the title." Which was exciting! At the same time, I have the sense that I may not be there in a year. Maybe my role will be helping to turn the page to new leadership / a new era, then leave it in the hands of my very capable direct reports. I would burst with pride to see what they would might be capable of accomplishing.
Trying not to spend too much time figuring it out. My future will find me, of that I am certain.
45 YO mom of twins (9) and lucky stepmom of 14/17 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets CEA 931
10/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix
12/18 typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm.
12/18 CEA 4.6
1/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/19 HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/19 Resume chemo (#9-19) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/19 CEA 1.3
7/19 liver resection
10/19 liver resection
1/20 NED! CEA 0.6
3/20 two new liver mets; FOLFIRI (5) and then add Vectibix (5)
8/20 CEA 0.7