Hello all,
I personally found it incredibly inspiring to hear of a IIIc who was five-years cured and back to living life when I first was diagnosed. The image of having a bandage over my irrigated stoma in a bathing suit laughing on a sunny beach was #Goals for me (although I'm super lazy about irrigating and only do it for trips and special occasions, lol).
Anyway, I ran across a story about someone who had cancer and died in 2008 and added up the age difference and realized that we were the same age.
I will be the first to tell you that I have not experienced one iota of survivor's guilt. Not one. I am sooooo grateful to be considered cured, but I am left with scars. Cancer has changed me, permanently, and the person I used to be is no longer with us. I miss her. I do. And sometimes it makes me cry. I'm just not that person any more. There is no going back.
But, many aspects of my life are back to normal. It took a loooooong time for the crampiness from chemo to go away, years. I can finally get up and down and move fairly normally. I have a bit of neuropathy in my feet, and I've tripped and fallen a few times because of it. I've fallen down the stairs a couple of times, so I am very reluctant to go upstairs and only do it if I have to (which makes my daughter soooo mad). I still have periodic accidents with my bag, and always carry clean-up supplies in my purse. Oh well.
But I'm just busy with life. Busy with work, cleaning the house, doing projects - just living. You just forget all about cancer sometimes. Then you read a story about someone dying of cancer and it all comes flooding back."That could have been me."
I guess the reality of surviving is a far cry from just laughing on a beach, but you do still get the chance to laugh on the beach.
I am so grateful.
But I don't feel guilty. You just get busy with life when you survive. That's a good thing. That is the goal.