Memorial/wake?

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
skypup
Posts: 2598
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:12 pm

Memorial/wake?

Postby skypup » Tue May 12, 2015 8:19 am

A comment on another thread prompted this one. So, my death-facing, death-defying comrades, do you want a memorial or wake after you've, ummm... sublimated? I really don't, I'd rather just slip quietly out the back door, but a friend keeps reminding me that the ceremonies are for the living, not for me.

KWT
Posts: 3214
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2013 7:22 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby KWT » Tue May 12, 2015 8:46 am

I was just thinking last night I would pick out a nice crematorium and pay up in advance to save my family the fun. I don't want to be poked or messed with just cremated and put in the cheapest box available. I'm with theresa I need a memorial like I need a hole in the head. As for the living, they can find something else to do that day. afterall their alive so they have options :twisted:

sjring
Posts: 181
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2014 3:16 pm
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby sjring » Tue May 12, 2015 8:54 am

My original thought...put me in a plastic bag on the curb Wednesday night for the Thursday collection....apparently had a few....legal hiccups.

I went ahead and did the pre-needs route, but basically let my wife picked what she was comfortable with, within the guidelines of my religious beliefs (such as they are - we are of different faith backgrounds). She can figure out the whole sitting shiva thing.
50 YO Husband & father of 2 teenagers.
DX 9/9/13 Stage 4 cc (at age 48)
16 Rounds FOLFOX + Avastin (Oct-13 to May-14)
Maintenance chemo - Avastin & 5-FU infusions (Jun-14 to Jul-15)
Jul-15: Mets to lymph nodes, resuming FOLFOX
Sep-15: MRI showed stability, back to maintenance chemo.

skypup
Posts: 2598
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:12 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby skypup » Tue May 12, 2015 9:02 am

kennytwisted wrote:I was just thinking last night I would pick out a nice crematorium and pay up in advance to save my family the fun. I don't want to be poked or messed with just cremated and put in the cheapest box available.

Me, too! Getting that paid and taken care of on the cheap is tops on my dying to-do list, right before visiting with hospice before I need them. I've gotten the medical and financial stuff in order already.

Kenny, I have some Buddhist friends who have a tradition of washing their friends' bodies after they die. I told them to keep their mitts off of me! Like I need my legs shaved to go to the great beyond? Uck. And I sure don't want that junk pumped into my veins, embalmed? -- no thank you! And in this crazy state of Texas it's hard to get around it even if cremated. Being on hospice can help expedite cremation and avoid embalming.

Kenny, up where you live they do green burials. They take your body au naturel and plant you in a burlap bag as food for the earth. That's what I'd do if I could.

KWT
Posts: 3214
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2013 7:22 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby KWT » Tue May 12, 2015 9:12 am

Theresa, green burial would be ok, or just dumped in a hole and plant a tree there. I have my two Labradors ashes that can get thrown in as well. No embalming for me once I'm dead seems like a good time to stop extracting money from me.

I hope things go well for you today. Let me know if you feel like it.

momof3
Posts: 213
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 8:52 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby momof3 » Tue May 12, 2015 9:14 am

My mom was very clear that she did not want a wake, she wanted a party. A great party we had! I only wish she had been there :( My mom was a dessert lover so had planned on just desserts, but her former co-workers brought lots of food to share. We asked that if people wanted to bring a favorite dessert to share, please do so. We had a banner "Life is Short, Eat Dessert First" made with her pictures and dates on it. We had some great pictures in frames, a slide show in which my sister and I hand picked the music to go along with pictures from her whole life. We had cut outs of flowers and hearts and hung a ribbon "clothes line" and asked people to write a note to mom, or about her, or just a favorite memory. We also invited people up to talk about her if they wished. We also purchased enough of her favorite plants - Orchids - for each table and brought those to the Church the next day. After Mass, we gave a plant to people who were special to her. My good friend hand painted all of the pots with her name and words that described her.

It was beautiful and so much nicer than a wake. However, we are Catholic and found out later that the wake is actually an important part of the funeral rites. I'm kind of glad we didn't know that ahead of time, as this is what mom wanted. She also asked to be cremated. My only regret on her being cremated is that she doesn't have a full headstone, just a footstone, so there is no where for me to plant flowers, etc. My plan is to plant her favorite tree, A Japanese Maple, in our yard in her memory.

I sometimes wonder if her wishes were to make things easier on us (which is so like her) or if it's what she truly wanted.

I guess when I'm gone, I don't care much what is done. But I suppose it's worth giving some thought into and making our wishes known. My husband has told me that he wants the very traditional Catholic wake, funeral, burial.
Husband was 46 when diagnosed stage 4 aug 2012
folfox and avastin ... then surgery april 2013
mets only to paraaortic nodes
Mets to femurs and spine found Nov 2013

Valorie
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon May 05, 2014 6:33 am

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Valorie » Tue May 12, 2015 9:56 am

Skypup wrote:

Kenny, I have some Buddhist friends who have a tradition of washing their friends' bodies after they die. I told them to keep their mitts off of me!.


Skypup- it does seem a little strange, huh? However, I feel differently about it now. My MIL (Japanese and Buddhist) recently passed away. The care facility she was in was run by Japanese/Buddhist. When she passed, both her caregivers and family observed the custom you wrote about. I'm lily white and not Buddhist and thought it would be, well, creepy but was actually very touching to see and participate in the care, love and respect shown to her. Each of her family members washed her face and wished her well on her next journey. Then her caregivers took such loving care by washing her and dressing her. When the funeral home came to take her, the caregivers all lined the sidewalk and bowed as she passed by. They watched the hearse go down the street until it could no longer be seen. The thing is, the care and respect in death was just an extension of how they treated her in life. Would that we all were treated that well. That said, as nice as the custom is, I'd personally go for the party. :)

Val
Last edited by Valorie on Tue May 12, 2015 10:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
Age 53 dx 2a CC 0/21 LN Oncotypedx score: 11
Sigmoidectomy 5/8/14
MSS No lymphovasular involvement,
6/14 PET - NED, 12/14 CT NED, 7/15 CT - NED
6/14-12/9/14 Xeloda 8 cycles
2/12/15 incisional hernia repair - Boooo!

User avatar
Rob in PA
Posts: 2005
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:16 pm
Location: Pennsylvania

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Rob in PA » Tue May 12, 2015 10:35 am

I had a party for me when I was seemingly out of options and gave up chemo a couple years ago. I figured I wanted to be at the party instead of under the party 8)

Now i've been hanging around a while proving the docs wrong again, so I may throw another party for myself :D
dx 11/07 crc IIIb @ 39
Xelox/Rad/ temp colostomy
LAR/J-pouch/ temp ileo
Folfox-8
Failed reversal
2/09 liver mets; liver resect/ileo reversal
Folfiri/Avastin - 12
2/11 5 lung mets
Folfiri/Avastin 2011
SBRT 3/12
Lung met 5/13/ said NO to more chemo
SBRT 8/13
2 lung mets 5/14, VATS 8/14, NED

User avatar
Voxx66
Posts: 1844
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 10:22 pm
Facebook Username: Michael Void Ward

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Voxx66 » Tue May 12, 2015 10:48 am

I want an epic party after I go - oh and might as well have one before as well. I've actually set aside money to make this happen because what I have in mind won't be cheap.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

User avatar
Voxx66
Posts: 1844
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 10:22 pm
Facebook Username: Michael Void Ward

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Voxx66 » Tue May 12, 2015 10:51 am

I do however agree about being cremated though I'd rather have a funeral pyre.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

User avatar
TheLadySkye
Posts: 269
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 1:40 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby TheLadySkye » Tue May 12, 2015 11:01 am

I'm highly claustrophobic, and I told my husband if he sticks me in any kind of box I will come back and haunt his ass. So no. No coffins, boxes, urns, whatever. And please no wake. I'd like the people I care about to remember my life, not my death. Just cremation and spread the ashes in the ocean...or any pretty body of water will do...preferably not the toilet. But considering how much time I've spent there these past years, there might be a small degree of kizmet there. Nonetheless, I'd prefer a respectful spreading someplace beautiful.

Then if folks need a place to convene and talk and share memories or whatnot and are pissed about the whole no wake thing, a backyard barbecue would be nice. I love barbecues. Preferably with limited sadness but lots of food and loud music and a bonfire. That would be a pretty sweet sendoff.
TheLadySkye
Stage 2b (T4N0M0) small intestine (jejunum) 8/13
Small bowel resection 9/13
CT 10/13 - NED
FOLFOX chemotherapy 11/13 - 4/14
CT 6/14 - NED and my nemesis (the power port) out!
Clean colonoscopy and endoscopy 9/14
CT 12/14, 6/15 - NED!!!

User avatar
vilca11
Posts: 730
Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2014 11:19 am
Location: Moscow, Russia; Baltimore, USA 1992; Vilcabamba, Ecuador 2012

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby vilca11 » Tue May 12, 2015 11:41 am

Russians too wash their dead... I would not want any memorial or wake or party. I want cremation and my favorite songs playing while ashes are spread over my garden...
11/2005 CC stage 1, F,50yo@dx
Mod dif adenocar, MSS, APC, TP53, CEAs1.6-4.8
1/12 1met liver@Vena Cava, RFA, 3oxi,11 5FU
8/13 2 mets same place,SBRT
4/14 2 Xeliri+Avastin
5/14 Nano Knife liver same 2 mets
6/14 2 Xeliri, ADAPT
4/15 PET, 2 same mets,Cryo Liver
5/15 MJ Oil, Herbs, Suppl, ADAPT
10/15 PET, same area, doubled in size, high SUV
10/15 RH, HAI, visceral involv., no LN
2/16 red FF, 50% red dose FUDR, CEA trends up
3/16 CT, PET, MRI L.Lobe all in small tumors
4/16 No acceptable options, going home

peanut_8
Posts: 2340
Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby peanut_8 » Tue May 12, 2015 12:19 pm

Somehow I have talked myself into believing my ancestors are Vikings. Although this is not completely inconceivable as they are from Northern Germany and Denmark, I have, as I sometimes do, gotten a little overly dramatic. My idea exit strategy would be set ablaze, in the North Sea on a viking longboat, while Das Rheingold, Scene 4: Entry of the Gods into Valhalla (Instrumental)" by Zubin Mehta plays.

Since this scenario is a bit impractical, I have instructed family members to cremate and they can decide what to do with me. I like the idea of a backyard BBQ, where my DH could incinerate some chicken in my honor.
female, diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
MSS
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED

User avatar
Frenchie's Wife
Posts: 959
Joined: Sat May 04, 2013 1:01 pm
Location: Alberta, Canada

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Frenchie's Wife » Tue May 12, 2015 12:22 pm

I am having a party of course !!
There will only be fun and laughter
allowed. Absolutely no pitty crap.
I want everyone to only remember the good times at this party. I plan on having a little
surprise (family on hear now) or two up
my sleeve for that.
I like the vicking idea the best.
An RV up in flames would look a lot
like that, don't you think ???
NOTHING is beyond my imagination.
I am up for anything that will give me the
Ultimate rush on my way to a new
Gallaxy.
Caregiver to DH 59 yr, male, Stage IV at Dx
Dx Sept 2009
Liver,bladder mets, 5 surgeries
Lots of chemo
Inoperable lung mets nov 2013
Stopped all treatments in February 2014 due to QOL issues
I am in God's hands now !!
Feb 2015 - too many new mets to count !
At peace July 9, 2017

Valorie
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon May 05, 2014 6:33 am

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Valorie » Tue May 12, 2015 12:39 pm

Voxx66 wrote:I do however agree about being cremated though I'd rather have a funeral pyre.


Voxx-- Viking style?
Age 53 dx 2a CC 0/21 LN Oncotypedx score: 11
Sigmoidectomy 5/8/14
MSS No lymphovasular involvement,
6/14 PET - NED, 12/14 CT NED, 7/15 CT - NED
6/14-12/9/14 Xeloda 8 cycles
2/12/15 incisional hernia repair - Boooo!


Return to “Colon Talk - Colon cancer (colorectal cancer) support forum”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: ginabeewell, prayingforccr, saltygirl, Sunnycd and 7 guests