WifeOfMike wrote:I am being torn to shreds, because I still have not been able to do hubby's Celebration of Life Ceremony. I was really close end of March & my best friend got strep throat for over a month (she is helping), so we had to postpone all thru April. LIFE/ deadlines keeps getting in the way. I know HE would understand, but feel like the rest of the pack of wolves will NOT & judgement is being passed. I guess I should not care what anyone else thinks... no one else knows unless they are walking in my shoes (except all of YOU). Guilt, creeps in, and I am trying to shove it under a mat. With all of the moves, etc......... It makes me nauseous to think this will now be put off until June..... six months after our loss and runs close to his birthday (June 19th) and smack into an out of town trade show we are obligated to do. GULP...... Where the heck did time fly off to??????? I want to both slow down AND speed up time, all within each day. Did any of you face this kind of time pressure hell??????
Hi Sista
You are probably pretty well onto me by now. Didn't go there. Gave everything from within when it mattered the most, would make a difference, as did you. I didn't have the emotional strength, had to tend to the living as I still had my DM who required 24/7 care. The rest is pomp & circumstance for everyone else IMO. Sudden deaths maybe a little different. IDK, as the spouses/family need a lot of people around for support reeling from the shock, don't have a chance to say goodbye. Sounds like you & the kids don't need it...we didn't either. It had been a long, painful journey w/grieving all along the way. If his parents do, how about a small dinner out w/the fam, i.e. your kids, mother, his parents, a close friend or two to break the mix up a bit, make it more comfortable. Everyone can share a favorite memory/story as you go around the table. Or make a couple of Costco trips, have something @ home outside. You must be familiar w/the KISS theory. Break it down, make it manageable & get it (them) off your plate. You'll be done in a week. It probably won't change a thing for you personally speaking. Unless you feel not having a big shindig for all the survivors is disrespectful to DH wishes, make it manageable Darlin. You can have a larger COL later on if that seems to make sense for your current situation. Either way, it will not bring him back or change your loss in any way whatsoever. Guilt is a huge waste of emotion for you right now, an unnecessary burden. Sounds like you are tending to that business that he poured his life into to support his family. For us, it was @ least 3 yrs later, in the mountains under the trees @ a site of his choosing, 6 people ( me, his sons, one of mine, dnl, grandson) & a prayer. Breakfast out @ a familiar restaurant on the way up the mountain to where we/he used to camp & trail ride w/his boys, then on the way down, nice afternoon @ mtn park of pony rides, gocarts, etc...as a family. He has been memorialized countless times in my heart, to my grandson as I teach him of his grandpa he never got to meet, his sons, my sons, friends...to this day. You just carry them around w/you. (Hugs)
XOXO
BS