I really don't have a lot to add here, everyone pretty much summed it up, but wanted to wish you luck and support. Tammylane nailed it (at least for me), the hurry up and wait. It's the worst. Once you get your scans and meet with your doctors and get YOUR treatment plan, you will feel better. I really think you are at the hardest part in this train wreck, and that doesn't include having a newborn. As others mentioned, looking back I mistook symptoms as hemmoriods, hormones, eating too much or not the right foods, etc. But know that you aren't loosing everything, you can still be a great mother and have a career. With the exception of taking off about 2 months for the surgery (I probably could have come back sooner, but just needed time), I have worked pretty much full time. I never took time off during radiation (it wasn't that bad for me). Chemo has been up & down, some weeks I've only needed a couple of days off, my last one I took 5 days off. The worst part was really looking at my boss, the CEO of the bank, and telling him I had rectal cancer. Really?? Using the word, "Rectal" at work is just too horrifying for words! But you know, after all this, it's not that big of a deal to say anymore.
My daughter was 7 when I was diagnosed just last November, so she's seen this all from the beginning and she's seen be at my worst, crying a lot because you just feel like "how can this be happening to me". You didn't mention the ages of your other children, if they are close in age to my daughter, what worked for me was telling her slowly as each thing was happening. I never said the "cancer" word to her until I was well into my treatment. There's just too much of a stigma to the word and I didn't want her to freak out. At the beginning, we took it slow, just that I needed tests, and progressed it into, I needed radiation treatment to shrink something that was growing (a tumor), then to the surgery to remove it, and finally to the chemo. She took it well and when it finally got to using the "c" word to her in about the middle of the process, she was like, "what do you mean you have cancer, you have all your hair"
. Had to explain that it's not the cancer that makes you loose your hair, but the medicine. And in my case, I most likely wouldn't loose my hair.
Know that you are (unfortunately) not alone. This board is great to share experiences, but it can also be frightening, especially in the beginning as there are lots of different approaches to treatment. So don't get too stuck on anything until you have your plan from your doctors. This whole process does take awhile and I've had time for it to "soak in". There are ups and downs, it's definitely a roller coaster.