I am so sorry it just won't go away. I am in the same boat, just when I thought I could take a break as like you I don't want to do chemo for the rest of my life, it keeps coming back. I am just at my wit's end. It so hard to decide what to do sometimes and such. Never give up, that's what I hear all the time and I don't want to, but chemo is so hard. Right now I am going to do my 3rd round of folfiri next week, I told the onc I need to get one more extra week, so thats 4 weeks then get chemo since my 2nd round. I get it once every 3 weeks. We might do 4 of 5 rounds then rescan and see where we are at.
But I get it, I feel you and I wish that things could just get better for us. Keep up the fight, all we can do and never give up. I know its hard, I have contemplated giving up and just say F it. Let it play out and whatever happens happens, but then I think of my kids and family and I want to fight to be here with them until all my resources are extinguished, but its hard as F!!. Chemo is so hard. I also run a business so its hard, for that 5 days I am down from chemo and sometimes, runs into the next week.
RC T3N1M0 12/16
MSS - NRAS Mutation
Chemo Rad, CCR - W&W 5/2017
CT Scan 11/2017 Liver Met 5.5cm Stable, Stage IV
LAR/Liver Resect 4/2018
CEA highest 500, lowest .8 throughout process, waiting for latest
Recurrence left vesical/pelvic sidewall - 10/7/2019 resect perm bag,
CEA rise Feb/May 3.7, 8.8, 30, Recurrence in Pelvic
CEA 40 right now, but was 57, so folfiri to beat it back down.
Lots of chemo for the past 4 years.