A Toast to 2020!

[juliej]

In August of 2010, on a perfect summer day, I was told I was dying. I didn't really believe it at first. I was healthy, fit, young, with no history of cancer in my family. Then they showed me the images. There were tumors everywhere. How could someone who looked so well on the outside be so sick on the inside?

I was overwhelmed and asked for the prognosis. The oncologist said 6 months without chemo, 18 months to 2 years at best with it. There was zero chance of surgery. I didn't feel brave or courageous or anything like people in movies about cancer patients. Just scared. Really, really scared. But I needed to push back. I wasn't dead yet and although the road ahead looked like the highway to hell, it wasn't clear if there were turn-offs, exits, U-turns, roadblocks, or crossroads.

Fourteen months of chemo later, I had a consultation at MSKCC where I learned the chemo had done a lot of damage to my tumors. They were ready to operate on me and I was ready to take a chance. The plan involved two major surgeries (one involving an HAI pump), each with multiple parts, only months apart from each other - assuming, of course, I did well on the first one. It was a crossroads, not an exit ramp, but I felt like it was the beginning of something good. It took two additional surgeries over the next year and a lot more chemo until I got my first clear scan.

At first, I was elated, but also apprehensive. With cancer you never know if you've really found an exit but taking that crossroad was the smartest thing I've ever done. In 2010 when I was first diagnosed I used to think about 2013, the year I wouldn't ever live to see. Now it is 2020 and thanks to Dr. Kemeny and her team at MSK, I am still here.

I also owe thanks to all of you. You lifted me up when I was down, and your words, thoughts and prayers carried me through my darkest days. I wouldn't be so cocky if all you wonderful people didn't have my back through all of this. At the end of "my final year" (2012) I proposed a toast. I would like to repeat it this year.

(Please raise your glasses high!)

To the health and well-being of the members of this Club (whom I cherish), to peace, love, and happiness, to winter sunshine, to summer shadows, to bravery and perseverance, to those just starting out on this journey and to those who are veterans of the infusion rooms and surgery wards, to the unshakeable and constant love of caregivers, to our lovers and spouses who view our scarred bodies with non-judgmental eyes and unconditional love, to those whom we've lost in battle and who will forever live on in our hearts, to all of you reading this: your goodness and compassion make the world a finer place to be, and I am privileged to count you all as friends.

Much love,
Juliej

[CRguy]

I can only toast you back
and say

WORD !

Love Peace and Harmony
CRguy

[claudine]

Cheers to you and all still fighting! May they all post a similar update in January 2030!!

[Punky44]

Cheers to you and congratulations! Lovely words!

[AlexandraZ]

Juliej,

What a beautiful post! You inspire so many of us and gave me so much hope when no one else really could. We are in much the same position, except for the fact that my Jesper has "innumerable" lung nodules, so I don't know what our best option is. But we are finally going to MSK after his next scan.

Thank you for still sticking around on this forum!! Your presence here means more than you know.

[boxhill]

Congratulations and thanks, JuieJ!

[kiwiinoz]

Great toast Julie, this will be 10 years right, and I bet you thought you would never see this time.
Super stoked to be able to read this and share it with you, and I'll certainly have a toast to you!

[rachelfromnyc]

Thanks for sharing. I am in a bad situation myself with a poor prognosis so I love reading stuff like this. Cheers Julie

[Siti]

Thanks for being an active member and sharing your story. I read your posts when I found this forum and it gave us a lot of hope. Cheers to an amazing decade ahead, totally cancer free and living life to the fullest!

[Mrned82]

So inspiring...stories like yours it's what "relight my fire".. ..happy 2020!!!!

[FightCRC]

Juliej, I personally feel my family owes so much to you, for sharing your story, and providing a road map for treatment. And most of all, for providing hope.

When I realized HAI gave us our best shot, I devoured all the patient stories on the various message boards. Yours was my favorite. I searched your posts and read them in order...absolutely riveting stuff. We are in CA, and knowing a fellow West Coaster made the move to NYC for treatment let us know it was possible. It could be done. So we followed your lead and moved our family out to NJ to get treatment at MSK with Dr. Kemeny.

We are still very much in the thick of it and the road has been quite bumpy. No matter what, though, we will always remain grateful to you and all the others here who have shared their experiences. Awesomely inspiring. Wish you a long happy and healthy life ahead.