Im mentally breaking

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Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:36 pm

Im mentally falling apart from fear. Im not strong enough mentally. Im so scared. Maybe its because i have a scan coming. Where you guys ever loke this and pulled theough ok? Im consumed woth fear that is keeping me from living my life.
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9675
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby CRguy » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:43 pm

If you need personal support you need to reach out to a counsellor
who knows how to deal with CRC folks

many of us have = ME

you need a support network to help along the way

WORD !

you ARE strong
you just need to find that within yourself

I KNOW

BTDT

you never KNOW how strong you can be
UNTIL YOU NEED TO

CRguy on the Journey
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
11 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:54 pm

Thank you
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

Koreysue
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:36 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Koreysue » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:05 pm

I’m so sorry you are struggling. I too deal with almost constant worry. The tests and scans really get to me. What helps me is to read and re-read the success stories on here. Sometimes I screen shot an article that is really positive about people surviving and look at it every time I start to panic. And I’ve just recently made an appointment with a counselor to see if hat helps. It’s possible that I needs medication to be able to move past the worry and enjoy life in between tests. Perhaps that would help you too.
Korey
Diagnosed: June 2017 stage 3 colon cancer
Sigmoid colon, 2 nodes affected
CEA at diagnosis: 6
Sigmoid Colectomy and folfox (chemo complete January 31, 2018)
CEA 4/2018: 2.4
CEA 7/2018: 3.7
Colonoscopy 8/2018 clean
PET scan 8/20/18 clear (cea rise a mystery for now, doc said maybe all the smoke in my town from forest fires)
CEA 11/2018: 3.8

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:16 pm

Thank you korey
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

Detox
Posts: 38
Joined: Fri Apr 28, 2017 5:27 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Detox » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:28 pm

Sorry you have to go through this. Scanxiety is real and most of us have been through it. Hoping you can find some way to keep your mind off the scans and try to take it one day at a time.

Hoping that your scans are okay most of all...

Punky44
Posts: 130
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:29 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Punky44 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 12:21 am

I’m so sorry. I am a caregiver to my mom and I suffer from a crippling anxiety disorder so just the thought of the unknown and out of my control future ahead for my mom makes me feel like I can hardly breathe sometimes. One thing I learned in therapy was the concept of mindfulness—just enjoying the moment and not thinking about the future. It’s so much easier to type than it is to practice of course but at least reminding yourself to try is what helps me.
Caregiver to my amazing mom (68)
10/1/18 DX with rectal cancer; CEA 17
MRI/CT/PET puts staging at T3N2M0
Trying total neoadjuvant therapy—chemo first, then short course radiation, then surgery
11/5/18 started Folfox—3 down, 5 to go!

Me: 34, first colonoscopy 11/16/18—normal! Come back in 5 years.

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Thu Dec 06, 2018 12:29 am

Thanks punky44
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Thu Dec 06, 2018 12:45 am

Thank all of you
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

del
Posts: 62
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2016 11:21 pm
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby del » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:19 am

Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I would suggest talking to those closest to you about how you are feeling, and definitely speak to your doctor about getting some counselling if you feel you aren't coping. Hoping you have good results!
Male, 33 @ dx, stage 1 RC (T1N0M0 0/29 LNs)
2016-02 - Cancerous polyp removed during colonscopy, 0.5 mm margin
2016-03 - ULAR & TME surgery, temp ileostomy
2016-04 - DVT, pulmonary embolism
2016-11 - Ileostomy reversal
2018-10 - Another DVT & PE
Clean CTs 2016-08, 2017-03, 2017-09, 2018-04, 2018-09

WarriorSpouse
Posts: 160
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2016 9:02 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby WarriorSpouse » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:25 am

Hey Trying,

I am sorry to read of your recent troubles. I have worked and witnessed many in troubling times and have found that the following advice has helped, so I am passing it along. Life is a long race, so break each moment up into smaller pieces that are more manageable each day. As I tell my kids, you have full control of the six inches right in front of you. Win each six inches as you move forward during your day. Make your checklist, to include rest and recovery, and move through it making as many good memories as possible with those you love along the way. Small steps throughout your day will add up to a good day, a good week, and a good month...Live them with purpose!

Never get too caught up in the highs or lows in life... Try to keep it steady through daily rituals and practices. People crave stability, kids, parents and all humans LOVE stability. Keep the ship as steady as possible and control the things that you are in control of and let your doctors control the treatment plan. Make meals on a weekend day and hit the leftovers during the week. Keep it simple and predictable as possible.

Stick with us here for support in your treatment plan and lean on your family and friends for daily normalcy. Go out with others for book club, walks, play groups, or anything social. Plan your weeks and stick to the plan. Use check lists for daily activities that need to be accomplished. Stay focused on achieving tasks and your mind will catch up to the new normal of life. Many here have survived this condition for several years. Don't waste those years with the ones you love in a constant state of worry. Instead, live your life in a constant state of purpose, and you will find that you are in better control than you currently describe.

With all my thoughts and good wishes for you.
WS
Spouse of wife 47 years old
10/2014, Stage IV Metastatic CC
Lymph node involvement 12/15, w/ positive PET on para-aortic lymph nodes.
5 cm sigmoid tumor resection as well as positive Virchow lymph node.
KRAS mut, Highly Differentiated, Lynch Negative
Folfox and Avastin 1 YR (Oxi for 5 months) NED 05/2015
Zeloda and Avastin since 01/2016
Chemo break 03/2017, back on Zeloda and Avastin 04/2017.

"...Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."
-Walter Elliot

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:55 am

I really appreciate your post
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.

Allen
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 2:29 pm
Facebook Username: Allen

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Allen » Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:25 am

I don't feel qualified to give anyone advice on this topic, but this helped me. I focused on my kids. The're older than yours - teenagers - but I decided that I was going to present a brave face to the, every day, all the time. For the most part, I was able to do that - and they were therefore able to get through this without too much anxiety or disruption of their lives. I also decided that I had to get through this, to be around for them. That was my main motivation. I enjoyed all the time I had with them, while fighting like hell to get better so that I would still be around for them.

I think the other advice in this thread is also quite good. The one-day-at-a-time perspective also helped me. Keep the blinders on. Don't look too far ahead. Deal with what's in front of you and get the most out of every day.

God be with you.

stu
Posts: 901
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:46 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby stu » Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:26 am

A teenage patient shared that she gave herself permission to worry the night before but not before it .
Anxiety escalates before scans . I could sometimes tell when some people were scanning on here !!! You could see some behaviour surfacing that was not there at other times .
You are only human and it’s a natural response but you are doing great .
Take care ,
Stu
supporter to my mum who lives a great life despite a difficult diagnosis
stage4 2009 significant spread to liver
2010 colon /liver resection
chemo following recurrence
73% of liver removed
enjoying life treatment free
2016 lung resection
Oct 2017 nice clear scan . Two lung nodules disappeared
Oct 2018. Another clear scan .

Trying
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: Im mentally breaking

Postby Trying » Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:37 am

You are all so helpful
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 yr old.
Colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri metApril 2018
Folfox as of June 2018
Down to 2 mets in liver dec 2018.


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