I am sorry to read of your recent troubles. I have worked and witnessed many in troubling times and have found that the following advice has helped, so I am passing it along. Life is a long race, so break each moment up into smaller pieces that are more manageable each day. As I tell my kids, you have full control of the six inches right in front of you. Win each six inches as you move forward during your day. Make your checklist, to include rest and recovery, and move through it making as many good memories as possible with those you love along the way. Small steps throughout your day will add up to a good day, a good week, and a good month...Live them with purpose!
Never get too caught up in the highs or lows in life... Try to keep it steady through daily rituals and practices. People crave stability, kids, parents and all humans LOVE stability. Keep the ship as steady as possible and control the things that you are in control of and let your doctors control the treatment plan. Make meals on a weekend day and hit the leftovers during the week. Keep it simple and predictable as possible.
Stick with us here for support in your treatment plan and lean on your family and friends for daily normalcy. Go out with others for book club, walks, play groups, or anything social. Plan your weeks and stick to the plan. Use check lists for daily activities that need to be accomplished. Stay focused on achieving tasks and your mind will catch up to the new normal of life. Many here have survived this condition for several years. Don't waste those years with the ones you love in a constant state of worry. Instead, live your life in a constant state of purpose, and you will find that you are in better control than you currently describe.
With all my thoughts and good wishes for you.
D/H 47 years old, 10/2014, Stage IV M/CRC, nodes 12/15, para-aortic, 5 cm sigmoid resection, positive Virchow. KRAS mut, MSS, Highly Differentiated, Lynch Neg, 5FU/LV and Avastin 1 YR (Oxi for 5 months) NED 05/2015, Zeloda/Bev since 01/2016. 02/2019 recurrence para-nodes, back to 5FU/LV Oxy/Bev, pending genetic results. "...Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."-Walter Elliot