Sometimes people just want to sit on their butts thinking their presence through visiting is a good & respectful way of showing they care. Try not to be resentful of this. It is just being thoughtless. Yes, hard to understand, I know.
Consider sending a group email or text thanking them for taking time out of their day to spend w/us. Simply state that their visits are meaningful & appreciated, yet @ the same time DH finds it a bit challenging carrying on & focusing on conversations @ times...don't be offended if he dozes off here & there. For those that wouldn't mind we are looking for volunteers to lend a hand by fixing, doing XYZ
. It would break up the visits a bit for him while getting a few things done to help out of which you both w/b forever grateful.
Perhaps mention what you both miss is occasionally taking a drive together just the two of you, or quiet lunch/dinner, or a movie w/o kids would mean so much to you guys provided he's up to it on any given day.
Find an approach that works for you; ask for volunteers. The more resentful you are, the harder it w/b to present as authentic/sincere or appreciative.
Let go of the resentment no matter how deserved it may be in your view. It's not helping you. People give in their own ways that is comfortable for them. That means it may not necessarily be what a person needs. Try not to be too judgemental of that. Don't lose sight of the fact that everyone is carrying some type of baggage in their own life; this happens to be yours. You are carrying huge luggage w/DH as cancer patient + 4 kids. We get it here
on Colon Talk. Depending where others are in their life, their small or medium sized luggage may seem heavy.
If your DH needs to snooze while they are there, that has to be accepted & understood by visitors. If you need to make a quick trip to the grocery store while they are there politely ask if they don't mind. If they do, then maybe they'll stop coming as frequently.
BTW you might even be proactive w/an email if anyone is coming our direction in the near future or the coming weekend as the toilet needs fixing, or you need to make a huge grocery shopping trip! Maybe DH craving some homemade ??? & you've been so busy w/him & the kid's school = no time. Or for out of towners, suggest stopping off & bring something to potluck; you'll supply paper plates & silverware, coffee, soda.
A win-win if you ask me.
Let us know how things work out!
Best Wishes & Good Luck