40 rounds of chemo, you are a warrior! I have so much respect for you and your fighting spirit.
I imagine your body and mind are both drained and weakened, and everything seems miserable when you try to think of your options going forward.
I haven’t had anywhere near 40 rounds of chemo, and at times I was ready to cry uncle. (Apparently I’m a softie.)
Since you believe in God, as I do, can you speak with a pastor, chaplain, priest, anyone who can speak to your faith shared beliefs? I have, and found comfort and strength, even through sadness.
I will be thinking of you and your family and hoping you can get further helpful treatment.