On February 22nd, my sweet Angie passed away after an 8 year 11 month battle with Stage IV CRC. Original prognosis was less than a year from Hopkins. HA! We went in to the hospital on 2/13/17 for a fresh lung biopsy to use to try get her into a trial at NIH due to progression in both lungs. We were scheduled to go on a cruise with her siblings on 2/20/17 to which all doctors said should be no problem. The procedure and recovery went fine, day one recovery fine, day 2 in AM recovery continues so well they remove chest tube and said they will discharge her that evening. As day 2 progresses, breathing difficulties progress, and breathing difficulties progress over the next week plus. After a 9 day battle, her oxygen saturation levels cannot be maintained, she goes unconscious, they intubate her, and off to ICU and 18 hours later she passes away at 52. While in ICU the say they continue to have problems keeping her BP up and oxygen levels up. I will repeat, we knew there was progression in both lungs and the clock was ticking.
I know there are several people on here who had several similar relationships with their spouses. I feel so guilty that I am still here and she is not. If I try to cheer my daughters up and smile about something it later eats me up. The deep daily sadness is relentless. We have many good memories, but every time I go someplace or do something where that good memory was created I am instantly reminded that portion of my life is gone forever. I am confident she sits with our Heavenly Father today, but the sadness and guilt is well....you fill in the blank.
My 3 daughters and I have begun to attend a group grief sessions and will reach out to some one on one counseling in the near future. Not only do I wrestle with the grief and guilt, but how a lung biopsy that was going so smooth, can do a 180 and take my soulmates life weighs heavy on my mind.
My question goes out to anyone in similar circumstances. Sorry for the diatribe.
Thank you,
Mike