Mother in law

[Lydia666]

I'm having a breast cancer scare- turns out mammogram found calcifications in one breast. There will be a biopsy under the ultrasound next week , same week i have the reversal.
I freaked, of course, after two cancers and a mutation that predisposes me at other cancers including breast cancer. Turns out my MIL thinks i am not handling myself well and have not all throughout my rectal cancer. This has me fuming, it feels like she takes away from me the fact that i did my best and felt like I actually did well thru treatments. She also said for a second time that she would not want to be in my place. Hmmmm- tell me someone who would!! Why does she feel the need to say this??

[GrouseMan]

MIL's do say the damnest things! Mine while my wife was undergoing her colon resection at the hospital accused me of being responsible for my wife's cancer outside in the hallway of my wife's recovery room! Go figure! My wife's older sister overheard that, and much more after I had left for the evening. Saying that to someone that talked extensively about the importance of early detection and the need for new cancer drugs as I was an Anti-Cancer drug discovery scientist - Can you imagine just how angry that made me? Fortunately my wife's older sister read her mother the riot act. A few days later she called me specifically to apologize.

One needs to bite ones tongue when these thing happen.

Regards,

GrouseMan

[CRguy]

I could probably say this more politely, BUTT in support of you I won't hold back.

I LIVE by this :
" Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level."

It is your life, your Journey, your body and ..... YOU gotta take care of YOU sista'.
Who gives a flying **** what the hell she thinks ?

If you do, then you are a way nicer person than I am

JMO.

In support of YOU
Harmony
CRguy

[WriterGirl1969]

I'm having a breast cancer scare- turns out mammogram found calcifications in one breast. There will be a biopsy under the ultrasound next week , same week i have the reversal.
I freaked, of course, after two cancers and a mutation that predisposes me at other cancers including breast cancer. Turns out my MIL thinks i am not handling myself well and have not all throughout my rectal cancer. This has me fuming, it feels like she takes away from me the fact that i did my best and felt like I actually did well thru treatments. She also said for a second time that she would not want to be in my place. Hmmmm- tell me someone who would!! Why does she feel the need to say this??

Lydia, so sorry you have to go through this extra scare. It's not like you haven't had enough to deal with. Sending some hugs and prayers that this will turn out to be nothing too bad.

With regard to your MIL's comments, consider this. Sometimes I feel as though the better I handle things, the more likely people are to forget what I'm actually going through. It's sort of a backhanded compliment. Maybe her insensitive thoughts are based on how good you actually did do. And even if that's not the case, why not just decide it is.

You and all of us know that getting through treatment at all is doing it well. You are a strong person. Everyone important knows that.

Hugs and prayers,
Tracy

[midlifemom]

I could probably say this more politely, BUTT in support of you I won't hold back.

I LIVE by this :
" Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level."

It is your life, your Journey, your body and ..... YOU gotta take care of YOU sista'.
Who gives a flying **** what the hell she thinks ?

If you do, then you are a way nicer person than I am

JMO.

In support of YOU
Harmony
CRguy

Cr guy. Love your attitude. Thanks for the smile, needed that tonight.

[Lee]

Lydia,

Through the years as a cancer survivor, you will find your real friends. Some you will find are TOTALLY CLUELESS. I believe your MIL falls into that last category.

Really , after dealing with one cancer, all the scary moments and your MIL thinks you are not handing this well. Where has she been?

I had (note past tense) a friend, something of a ding bat. Anyway, day of my surgery she came to visit me in hospital with a box of chocolate. Though I might enjoy them following my surgery My brother after she left asked me "does she have any idea what type of major surgery you had today. I told him probably not. I was 3 months out from my last chemo and had scans. All was clear, she responded, "so NOW can you put this cancer thing behind you and move on". I looked at her and said "if you look at the stats, my chances of being alive in 5 years are about 30%. Could you dismiss it so easy and move one". She dropped her jaw "how do you sleep at night". I responded "many nights, I do not sleep" Dingbat!

As CRGuy said it best Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level. I want to remember that one for future use.

Again, don't let her get to you,

Lee

[AngelaN]

I could write a book with what my MIL has done TO HER SON (so it's not just MIL - its mothers too). We just decided we needed to edit people out of our lives who were hurtful or not helpful or supportive. Haven't spoke to her since Xmas Eve when she "disowned" my husband for bringing up the fact that he (who is in the middle of cancer treatment, 4 weeks post pneumothorax due to a complication) and I (who works full time) did everything for Xmas Eve dinner and we would have appreciated some help (maybe even from the alcoholic brother who the parents support). Honestly until a read a post like this, I don't even think about her. You don't need the negativity. Surround yourself with those who love and support you.