Postby AnnClare » Wed Mar 30, 2016 9:50 am
Ragman - well said.
Lydia - I'm sorry about your frustration, and like many others here, I can unfortunately relate. People either say stupid, inappropriate, or ridiculous shiz to you, or they clam up in moments of awkward silence. Like Soccermom said, that "any of us could get hit by a bus" line does NOTHING to mitigate what you, and all of us here, are feeling as we battle this faceless bastard. As if we're supposed to say, "Gee - you're right! Thanks! NOW I feel better. Silly of me for feeling so down because of cancer."
Another thing that bugs is when people ask how you're doing. I've begun to my keep response to this very superficial, unless it's a certain family member or friend. Co-workers don't want the nitty gritty. I've tried being real (since I've read multiple times that holding your tongue can be bad for your health). I find when I'm real with people who aren't prepared for it, or who don't TRULY want to know, there's that awkward silence, followed soon after by a change in the subject. Sooo . . . next time when said person(s) ask how I'm doing, I usually say, "Good," and change the subject for them. Because in all honesty, they DON'T want to know how we are honestly doing. (Scared, frustrated, tired, going broke thanks to endless co-pays, etc.) When I mentioned to someone recently that I was going to have to tap into my retirement savings, the response was, "It's good that you have one. I've never had a 401(k)." I felt like saying, "Yeah, and you've also never had cancer. I'd rather be in your shoes, bitch." (Yikes - there's that honesty and anger bubbling up again! Pardon my outburst.)
In short, I sadly feel your pain. We're often told that while we're going through this we shouldn't isolate ourselves, but more often than not, that's ALL I want to do - stay home with my husband and our dog. I find social situations mentally and emotionally exhausting because I have to 'act normal' and put on a phony happy face, pretending that it's all A-OK. Being around others who don't have this burden makes me sad, because I used to be one of them and wonder if I'll ever be one of them again. It's a sadness no one can access unless he/she has been in a similar situation (and I would wish that on NO ONE).
This board has been such a great discovery for me. It's like therapy (only way less expensive and time-consuming!) It's where we all honestly "get" one another. We can vent, joke, commiserate, and be totally, brutally honest. We are listened to and understood. We're not met with blank stares, awkward silences, or trivial complaints. We are not judged. It's an amazing community and sometimes, one of the few things that gets me through the day.
42 yr. old female
Rectal cancer Stage 3C T3 N1 M0 - Sept 2015
28 rounds radiation w/Xeloda - Nov - Dec 2015
2/17/16 - Surgery to remove rectal tumor, lymph nodes (2/20+), ovaries & fallopian tubes, temp. ileostomy
3/28/16 - 9/26/16 -12 rounds FOLFOX w/full oxi
Ileo reversal 10/27/16; Port removed 12/1/16
Lung mets confirmed 2/6/17
March-May 2017 - brain mets; brain rad. 5/9-5/29/17