Thank you all with my whole heart. I'm in very rough shape right now...very confused, and this is bringing back all of the weirdness with my original diagnosis (PTSD-wise). My husband was a nightmare of a caregiver when I was very sick with the CRC. I am DREADING going through that again. When he yelled at me this morning I told him no yelling this time around...if he did he was out.
I keep telling myself to make no assumptions, and although I don't tend to be much of a worrier, not knowing what the heck is going on is making me less docile than usual. I have the exact same feelings of unreality that I experienced with the stage IV CRC diagnosis. Also, I don't know if I already said this butt apparently (according to my husband) my oncologist also said yesterday that there is something else (lesion) in my abdomen. I did not hear him say that, butt I was, frankly, checked out. From my experience as a pretty severely abused kid, I developed a knack of dissociating under severe stress. It is not voluntary or intentional, butt results in me "being there" in reality, and apparently behaving perfectly normally, butt I lose the ability to really be there cognitively and lose the content of the conversation in question.
So today I had many questions of my husband, who was with me at the appointment. Did my doc describe the lesions as solid or lymph nodes (he didn't know) What is the exact location (he didn't know) Did my doc say "it's most likely nothing" (NO) Did my doc seem very concerned (YES) Why didn't my husband ask about location (he IS a physician)? (No comment)
I keep reminding myself of what I always tell our newbies: everyone knows the waiting for information is really hard, butt there's no rushing it. Stay off Dr Google (I am because I don't even have a clue what to look up) Worrying is a waste of energy. Don't forget to B-R-E-A-T-H-E. These are all good reminders. I'm working on doing this. I'm breathing a lot
I miss Maia!!!
Thank you all again. I appreciate your support so much. This is, overall, a bit too weird to wrap my head around. Should be getting my PET/CT appointment tomorrow, then appt with lung guy, then bronchoscopy, then probably biopsy (OF WHAT???) then I'll have a plan. I like plans.
Thank you all again. You're wonderful!