I'm sorry for being MIA

[Icesk8tr]

I feel so guilty. There are many people on this wonderful forum that I have not responded to. Vicki, Belle, Cherie, JulieJ, Maia, Voxx, Delinda, Ray, exaussie and MANY, MANY others. Please forgive me if I didn't mention your name. I have been lurking but unable to post. I couldn't adequately say what was in my heart so I said nothing. I apologize for this. Since my seventh surgery things have not gone well. I've had blockages pain and nausea. My December CT scan was considered STABLE with...
Left Para aortic node
Left external iliac node
Numerous mesenteric nodes
2 liver lesions
Probable implant in the right anterior abdominal wall.

I had three weeks off from chemo during the holidays.
Now my CEA has taken quite a jump. I couldn't get my last round of chemo due to low blood counts, even with six injections of Neupogen. I'm worried that FOLFIRI has stopped working. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time posting on CT. I've been on the forum for three years. Maybe it's because I haven't been feeling well. Even when my family or friends call me, I wait to call them back until I can sound upbeat and productive. Ughhhh I hate cancer so much.

Hugs,
Christine

[alphagam]

Hugs

[Delinda2]

I understand too well how you feel - no apology necessary. Just glad you checked in & sorry you're having such a hard time. I withdrew for the last few months & only recently returned. Your CC family is always here for you, no matter what. Hang in there. Hugs! XXOXO, Delinda

[bitchslapped]

Sometimes the words come, sometimes they don't, sometimes it takes a few days to put thoughts together. I understand wanting to be upbeat when responding or speaking to others, but somehow I wonder if there would be nearly the posts on the forum if our members waited for that. People have to do what they have to do for themselves & this forum is really tough sometimes...we all get it. Don't waste your time on guilt.
Stable is good (not good enough, I know), but hopefully those blood counts are up from the chemo break & you can get back on track again.

Best Wishes
Bitchslapped

[BrownBagger]

Sorry for all your troubles, Christine. My thoughts and best wishes for a better tomorrow.

[juliej]

Christine, you've been through so very, very much. I completely understand why you haven't been able to post. There were times during my treatment when I tried to have as much normalcy as I could, which often felt like sleepwalking through the days and a bit of play-acting around family and friends. It's how we cope.

I'm happy to hear your December scan was stable, but I want so much more for you! Have you looked into the PD-L1 or TAS-102 clinical trials at MSK, or any of the other immunotherapy trials there? Even if they aren't THE answer, they may be an option for controlling the cancer until the next big thing arrives. Please know that we all love you and are rooting for you, hoping for the best and wishing you good thoughts as each day dawns.

xoxoxo,
Julie

[Cherie]

Hi Christine

This is exactly how I feel. When hope is fading there just isn't much to say. Constantly putting on a happy face is hard to do. I am just so sick of people calling me with empty offerers of help. The only person who is really there for me is my husband and he is doing everything. Blow after blow of this disease just beats you down and there is no reason to apologise for being MIA we all do it and need it.

cherie xoxo

[midlifemom]

Hugs back to you with wishes for a better day tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after.......

[tammylayne]

Never a need to apologize. You were missed...of course...but if any group of people are going to understand, it is this one.

Never a need to impress, never a need to participate any more then one can....but we are always able to take as much support and love as needed. A pretty cool set up

Sending you many good thoughts....and many gentle hugs...

[CRguy]

I feel so guilty.

" Love means never having to say you're sorry "

Nice that you did…. BUTT not necessary….

some way, some time some how …… we've all BTDT…

Glad you are back online in the groove !!!!!

sending LOVE Peace and Harmony
CR

[teachpdx]

Glad that you can vent here & don't have to pretend to be or feel something you're not. Hope you find something to smile about and can have some peace on some level. Hugs and prayers

[michelle c]

Don't ever apologise. Totally understandable why you were missing in action. Sometimes you just don't have the energy for anything. Sorry to hear that you are saving a rough time, Christine. We are always here for you - to listen, to understand. Hang in there, post when you want to - you are always in our thoughts and heart. Much love to you ❤❤❤

[Rob in PA]

Ditto what the others have said....this disease sucks!

Love and strength to ya

Rob

[Stanfordmom]

I was thinking about you recently. So sorry about your recent scan results. Glad that you are updating us. please no need to apologize, ever.

Sending you love and positive energy to continue the fight! you will be in my prayers.

Sha

[Icesk8tr]

Thank you everyone for your love and support. It means the world to me. I should be having a CT scan in February to see what the latest is

Hugs ❤️
Christine