Postby Sophy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 1:50 am
Congratulations, Bev, on reaching your 5 year mark. It sounds as though things haven't been easy at all during those 5 years but now you are out the other side. Maybe out into the sunshine - but as it is US winter the weather may not be playing along with your good news.
Asterix, I am glad you are able to sleep comfortably at home. I find that the effect of my illness on my children is the hardest thing to cope with. I would love to be able to die at home when my time comes as we have a beautiful view over a sea inlet to the green rolling hills beyond (with New Zealand sheep on, naturally) and I can just gaze at the view for hours feeling at peace. However, I think that it would be hard for children to have 'the room Mummy died in' in the house. Does anyone else feel like this? I hope I am not being morbid but I like to plan for all eventualities.
I find that other people like to assume I am going to survive the cancer even though the odds are definitely not in my favour. I think that maybe they don't like to be faced with their own mortality. I am the first of my friends to get cancer so they aren't used dealing with it in someone their own age and not a grandparent.
Anyway, with a reduction in my chemo dose to half what I started on I am feeling much more alive. I know that things can change very quickly with cancer so I am trying to enjoy all the time I have and do things with my family. We put up the Christmas tree yesterday and have all agreed that if finances and my health permit we will go to Europe for a White Christmas next year. I like planning for happy things too even though they might not happen.
It is very difficult coming here to the CC with so many lovely people gone. Like CB says, it is hard to have the energy to pick up again and reach out to new people. Sometimes I feel like it is a war and we get the notifications of people missing in action or died of wounds etc. So like those people in wartime were afraid to open their newspapers to look at the casualty lists inside I find myself hoping that there will be no bad news when I log on.
Hoping that everyone is having a pain free and happy December
Sophy
dx T3N1M0 Feb 2011 when children age 11, 7 and 2
Xeloda/rad March 11, LAR June 11 temp ileo
Xelox 6 rounds, NED
Lung mets Oct 13
Laser surgery Germany Jan 14. 3 mets left lung.
Laser surgery UK Jun and Aug 14 one met each lung, NED
Aug 14 Started Xeloda and Celebrex (ADAPT)
June 20 CT shows nodule, bronchoscopy confirms is scar tissue, still NED
Dec 20 stopping Xeloda continue celebrex, cimetedine
Aug 21,March 23 scans show still NED
March 2023 CURED - discharged from Oncology, no more scans or follow up