My Mom has departed

[Elvie]

My mom departed this world at about 2 a.m. yesterday. She had been admitted into in-patient hospice on August 20 where she received totally awesome care. The hospice staff was incredible to me as well as I spent hours upon hours sitting with my mother each day she was there.

She had finally been referred to in-home hospice care by her oncologist on August 8. Her in-home hospice care ended up being only one day by the time the sign-up process was complete (although she was seen by several nurses at home from the hospice during the sign-up process). This was after many phone calls to her oncologist and radiologist which I reported to them her extreme state of sleeping for 20+ hrs a day and minimal eating and drinking and days of doing neither eating or drinking.

By the time the of initial contact with the hospice marketing director (who is also an R.N.) I was finally told the truth…my mom was in the end stages of life. Her fatigue was not fatigue from radiation…her body was shutting down. It was then I was told not to force her to drink or eat, only suggest food and beverages. Had my mom been referred to hospice sooner, I would have been a better caregiver! I have regrets that I wasn't given the appropriate tools even though I was reaching out to the Cancer Institute for them.

Her suffering is now ended.

[Val*pal]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. My thoughts are with you.

As far as being a better care-giver, don't dwell on that. Most of us are neophytes when it comes to the dying process, so we do the best we can. It's human nature to try to get people to eat or drink, so it makes sense that we caregivers tend to focus on that. I had a little more awareness of not forcing feeding with my husband since, when my mom died in 2002, I realized then that her inability to eat was not her being difficult, it was simply the way dying people are. But I had learned that lesson earlier.

Hospice is a tremendous help, and I'm glad your mom was able to take advantage of it.

I wish you strength in the coming days.

[singingholly]

I'm very sorry for your loss...
Olivia

[pfCml73183]

Elvie, I am sorry you have lost your mom. She is with your dad now and does not want you to regret anything. I am sure she loved and appreciated everything you did for her. Being by her side was the best thing you could have done.
Peace to you loving daughter, Celeste

[deb1223]

Sorry for your loss. Your mom is at peace now.

Debbie

[peanut_8]

Elvie, very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Mom knew how much you loved her.

[skypup]

Elvie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had time to just be with her at the end while she was in hospice. That was, no doubt, a great comfort to you both.

[Delinda]

Elvie, I am so sorry for your loss. But the mother/child bond is never broken, it simply changes. I know that doesn't help now but it has brought me a lot of comfort since my mom pssed when I was 18. We are here for you. XXOXO, Delinda

[canadiandaughter]

Elvie I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure your mother knew that you did everything you could to help her. She was very blessed to have a daughter who cared so much! Take care of yourself. Sending lots of hugs your way

[coloradowalt]

I am sorry for your loss.

[TheLadySkye]

My deepest sympathies. You and your family are very much in my thoughts and prayers.

*hugs you to itty bitty pieces*

[WifeOfMike]

Elvie,
I am truly sorry for the loss of your Mom,
I lost my dad on his 96th Birthday in 2012 & I miss him every day
She is in the Arms of the Angels now
May you find some comfort in that

Candles added on tonight for you & your mom
Much Love,
Vicki

[so-scared]

My most sincere condolences. I am so sorry.

[mymom]

i am so sorry.

[jvaime21]

Elvie., you're mom was so lucky to have you. You are a responsible daughter.. I am sure she had fruitful life before . My deepest condolence to you and to your family.

Retchel