I want to thank you all for your kind words. I buried the love of my life nine days ago now. It is still unreal to me. I am really struggling here. The kids are holding up pretty good so far but I was warned that it will hit sooner or later for them too. It is just so hard to imagine my life without Scott. I saw a grief counselor who suggested a grief support group. I am also going to check out some that have been suggested by some of you.
Scott's service was beautiful. My youngest child and I made a video of our tribute to him and two of the other kids were strong enough to actually get up and address a packed church. I was so proud of all of them. We must have done something right because several people have asked if I could plan their funerals. Some even said it felt more like a wedding than a funeral so I guess that is also a compliment. The burial was very tough on me but it was also a beautiful thing. It was kind of invite only as I wanted a time for only those I was closest to to share the moment with. We had about 60 people there and did a balloon release. The balloons were red, white, green, and yellow for the Badgers and the Packers. Everyone attached a message. It was really neat to see. I also did a dove release. I let one go which was symbolic of me letting Scott go. That one dove was followed by three others that represented the father, son, and the holy ghost who would guide him home. The crowd gasped ... it was breathtakingly beautiful!
At this point I cry a lot. I told my one son that I must have the biggest tear ducts in history. He suggested that maybe we contact the Guiness Book of World Records to see. As reality sets in, the pain amplifies. I have an extensive vocabulary and all I can come up with to describe all of this is ... this really sucks and I am so very sad. That pretty much sums it up.
I continue to check in on you guys and wish you all the best!
DH 51 yo
dx 5/16/11 stg 4 RC
mets both lobes liver & lung
12/11 TME/liver resect/rfa (15 tumors)
more Folfox w/Avastin
5/12 innumerable mets liver
9/12 FOLFIRI/Erb FAIL
HAI pump 12/12
Had to leave 5/23/14