Apologies in advance for the big long reply - I'm kind of "dumping" all the things I learned while I had my ileo that I wish I'd known going in.
Hang in there. It does get better, I promise (it took me about 2 months to get the routine down and find a "bombproof" setup), but definitely enlist a WOCN nurse to help. Actually, if you can get a home health care nurse to come out and help you figure out a process in your own bathroom for a change or two, that would be great - that really helped me.
Bear in mind the stuff they give you in the hospital is probably basic/"budget" - the supplies I had at first were [unprintable] for me. Between my WOCN and the very helpful people at Hollister, we quickly figured out I needed a flexible, convex wafer and a seal (the "Eakin seals", though I preferred the Hollister version). That's a lot of convexity but it worked for me. The trick with our ileos is that they're "loop" ileos because they're temporary, so they tend to be shorter and sort of double-barreled compared to an end (permanent) ileostomy. Getting them to dump down into the bag like they're supposed to, instead of oozing down behind the wafer, can be finicky. It doesn't help that the stoma is healing in the first few weeks (swelling going down) and changing shape so finding the correct opening size is kinda hard at first. Once it's settled down a WOCN can help you make a template for cutting, especially if your stoma is sort of oval rather than round (like mine was).
So- barrier products! Yes, ask the WOCN about seals. I preferred Hollister's over Eakin because they did the trick, but were easier to get off my skin during changes. 3M Cavilon barrier wipes were a MUST HAVE for me -- dabbed on, then followed by a dusting of stoma powder - amazing how building up a "crust" of Cavilon + stoma powder helped the sore spots heal, even being under the wafer 24-7. I also used stoma paste to fill in a couple very subtle small dents around the stoma that were causing tiny gaps and keeping the wafer from sticking. My WOCN said in general it's best to keep the products to the minimum that works, but it turned out we just needed to keep adding things until it "clicked" for me. You may not need all this hoop-la.
Sticking strategies - no soap, ever - just water. Stay away from adhesive remover if you can as well - you don't want any oily or soapy residue on the skin that will interfere with sticking. Just remove the wafer really slowly and carefully so you don't disrupt the top skin layer too much. And as others have said, try to get the skin as dry as you can before putting on the wafer. A hair dryer on low works well, but you don't want too much direct heat on the stoma. I used to cut little squares of gauze beforehand and put them underneath/over "Donald" (so named because he quacked
) to catch any rogue output and protect against the hair dryer heat, but there were times where I'd be swearing because he "waked up" in the middle of a change. It happens. Speed is key with ileo changes to make sure you can take advantage of your "quiet moments" - have your set up ready to go in an assembly line (wafer cut, products opened, washcloths handy, etc.) so you're not fumbling. I used to put the seals right on the wafer beforehand so I could just stick both pieces on at once. Lying down with a heating pad (on low) or even just with your hand over the stoma/wafer for about 10 minutes will also help the wafer stick down.
You will be amazed how quick you can do it after a few months. By the time you really get it down it will be time for reversal
Smells - I swore by M9 deodorizer (I got it from Edgepark). They make these magical drops that really worked for me - a few drops of bright blue liquid in the "tail" of the bag after each emptying and it really did cut down on the smell. They make an excellent unscented room deodorizing spray (much better than Febreze or other air fresheners). My insurance covered the drops, and I paid out of pocket for the room spray. Actually I just picked up another bottle of the spray off Amazon - no ileo anymore, but just to keep in our bathroom because it works! I wish they made these in pocket size; looking back I should have just decanted some into travel-size bottles to carry in my "emergency kit".
Don't despair - you can do this! So many of us have been right where you are now and come out the other side