After waiting for my boss to come back from vacation so that I can tell him about my diagnosis, I finally went public with my social circle that I have a liver met and that I'll be going in for a resection on the 28th. I find it so weird that there are others out there who would take my diagnosis worse than I would. But it's also weird trying to talk to all these people who question what my next step will be knowing that they will never completely understand unless they've been through it. In this sense, I am grateful to know that there are people who cared more than I thought they did but at the same time I feel completely alone in that they can NEVER relate. I've only found the camaraderie I had longed for in this forum, the people who TRULY know how much cancer sucks!
I feel so weird whenever someone tells me how they think I'm so strong because "You've been handling this so well, you will definitely pull through this again!" Having a genetic mutation (but not officially Lynch syndrome) that would make me prone to CRC, statistically "The odds are not in my favor." (Couldn't resist quoting The Hunger Games). It completely annoys me that I feel like I'm the one who has to be the strong one for my parents, my boyfriend, his parents, and for the other folks out there who think I'm goddamn superwoman for working, going to school, and battling cancer..... I'm honestly just trying to live my life and it's draining enough as it is dealing with all that life has thrown at me... But it's especially even more draining when you feel like you have to be strong for everyone else. It is completely twisted and frustrating feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around everyone else because they can't handle "MY" cancer diagnosis......
Thanks for letting me vent....