My mom was recently diagnosed...SCARED!!!!

[sleejo1]

My mom is 63. She is Beautiful and Amazing, the best Mother a daughter could ever ask for but I am SO SCARED because the doctors say she is in Stage IV and it has spread to liver, gall bladder and one other place. They also say she has had this for 7+ years!!!!... they are recommending chemotherapy before surgery? This is all so new to all of us and I am still in a state of shock so I am glad to have found this group. She is a survivor of a brain tumor 20 years ago done at the Mayo clinic so I just hope she will survive this. I am new to all the terms and lingo.

God Bless everyone and praying...

Sonia

[Ashlee H.]

Sonia - The good news is, if she has had the cancer for 7+ years, it is a slow growing cancer. It's not unusual to have chemotherapy before surgery if they want to try and shrink the tumors. You can live without your gallbladder, and the liver can possibly be resected. You will find this forum so helpful to obtain the knowledge you need to help your mother through this journey. There are many Stage IV'ers here (me included), and we've been here for years. When I first heard "Stage IV", I immediately thought "terminal". Nowadays, they consider it a chronic condition. When my cancer pops up, we deal with it until it pops up again. This month I am winning the battle. Looking forward to seeing your postings. Ask away. We are all in this together and people here truly want to help each other.

[tizme]

Hi Sonia,

I'm sorry about your mom. My mom is sick too. It really sucks to watch someone you love go through this. But you found the colon club, just like I did, and you will be able to share your fears, your questions, your results, hopes, and good news here. We are all pulling for both you and your mom.

You will be definitely be inundated with lots of information at first, and you will reach out to all the websites you can find. I can only tell you that each person is individual, each cancer is unique. You will have to take it one step at a time and deal with what comes up, when it comes up.

Yes, stage 4 sucks. You both will have days filled with despair and others filled with hope. But you will get through this.

Right now my best advice is to get copies of all test results for your own files. Over the course of her treatment, you will see several different doctors, and you will need to know what treatment she is on, what surgery she has had, and you will probably want to track her CEA, PET scans, etc. to determine growth / shrinkage, etc. Doctors are only human,and they make mistakes, they have lots of patients...you have only one. So be the best advocate you can for your mom. It"s tough being a caregiver and watching the one you love be sick, but our moms did it for us, and now its time for us to do it for them. She is scared too.

The more info you have, the better questions you can ask of this board, and of the doctors.

We are treating stage 4 as if it is a chronic illness, and we are dealing with it one symptom / day at a time. My mom has chosen to live with cancer, instead of give up. I have been reading her the stories of the Stage 4 survivors on this board, and she is encouraged. I hope that one day her story will be one of inspiration and encouragement to others.

You will have lots of questions over the next few weeks about treatments and just wanting to vent. I encourage you to do so. And I hope that your mom has an inspirational story to tell one day as well.

[Liz2011]

Hi Sonia,
Welcome to the board, although I am very sorry that you had to join it in the first place.
My mum is also stage 4 and it has been a roller coaster to date, still is, and yes, you will go through bad times having to deal with this disease, but hopefully you will also have good times and very special moments with your mum as a result.
It is difficult to predict how long people can live with their cancer when they are stage 4 with no possible cure, but it seems that some people can go on for many years with the chemo. Others aren't as lucky even with a better prognosis.
I found dealing with the unknown and uncertainty as to what to expect next the hardest part, once you know what the plan of action is you can then focus on the treatment and make sure that your mum goes through it in the best possible way.

There are many of us here sharing the same fears, anxieties, angers but also hopes. Please come here any time with any question that you may have and people on this forum will help and support you.

Liz

[bluewillow]

Your post could almost have been written by my daughter, but for a few minor details. I just turned 60 and until now have been in great health, very active and in great shape. We're an outdoorsy type family and look forward to our summer adventures when we can get together...camping, hiking, rafting; whatever. This year was different though. There was a cloud over our summer vacation because I was waiting on the outcome of testing, knowing that they expected the diagnosis to be cancer. Everything we did, I couldn't help wondering in the back of my mind if it would be the last time we'd ever get to do some of these things. I kept it to myself through most of the visit to avoid putting that obstacle in the way of everyone else's fun. I dreaded so much having to break the news to my daughter. We finally went to lunch one day and I told her about it. It was very hard for her, especially since she lost her dad a few years ago. On the other hand, she doesn't see failure as an option. She believes in me and sees me as being a strong person who has had to overcome a lot, and who will overcome this as well. In one respect, it is a heavy burden because I know she needs me to be strong and she needs to believe that I will beat this; and when I think of it that way, it makes me less likely to disclose things because I want to protect her and don't want to worry or to distress her unnecessarily. On the other hand, it is also encouraging that she sees me that way, because it gives me hope that I can beat this disease. Something that she said to me that day has stuck with me....she said, "don't you dare give up."

It sounds like you and your mom have a great relationship and you obviously see her as a vibrant, strong woman and I know it's scary for you. It is scary for her, too, and I'm sure you might not see a lot of that because I suspect that she wants to protect you from any undue worry and stress. The best thing you can do for your mom is be there, show her how much you love her, learn as much as you can about what she is dealing with and make time for sharing...just being together, talking, remembering, making new memories AND looking forward.

God be with y'all on this difficult journey.

[SarahKC]

Hi Sonia - we're going through the exact same thing right now. My mom was recenlty diagnosed with colon cancer with liver mets. Completely unexpected. We're devestated and these last few weeks have been a fog. My mom started chemo on Tuesday and isn't feeling great today. She's a fighter though and will win this war.
All the best to you and your family during this time.

Sarah

[mymom]

Hi. I know how hard it is. My mom is 63, great health and DX in May of this year with Stage IV- they found spot on liver. They did resection and she is currently going through chemo. I am trying to live with it but it is hard. I stay positive as much as possible and do tons of research on treatments. I made contact with someone that had what she had (he had multiple spots on his liver) and he is 8 years plus cancer free. Good luck. It will be fine.

[mymom]

Me again....positive attitude is key. My mother informed me she and my father are taking us to Disney next year (they take us on a vacation every year). Disney is their next adventure. I think sometimes I am more negative than she is! I know it will be a fight over the next few years and there will be ups and downs but I keep thinking of the people I know that have Stage IV and are still cancer free.....look at the republican presidential candidate (I think his name is Cain)....he is a Stage IV survivor of CC.

[Deirdre]

Hi Sonia
Welcome....sorry you have to join but when you are trying to get your head around everything, this is absolutely the best place to be. The support, advice that I have received here has been brilliant. My dad was Dx March 10 as stage 3c. We don't have the chemo issues as he can't have tx so all I can offer you is best wishes and know that many here share your feelings and we are all united in our love for those we love who are sick & in leaving no stone unturned to get the best possible outcomes.
Good luck
Deirdre

[sleejo1]

thanks for all the advice and support everyone. so greatly appreciated....

Here is an update on my mom.

Oncologist said today her cancer has spread all over and is inoperable. She can try chemotherapy and live maybe 2 years but with no chemotherapy...one year at most....

I am in SHOCK still.

I am going to stay positive for my mom. she doesn't want to do chemotherapy!!!!!

[mum]

My lovely Rachael had a makeup afternoon her hair done and had a photo shoot at home.It was organised by a caring friend.The day was sunny and the setting tranquil.Just a loving thing we ladies did for her to spoil her and make the day special.We had a girls afternoon tea with the best china cups and saucers, yummy sweet goodies to eat.We had the photos put to disk and the beauty of my daughter really shone through.Thankyou to the friends who did that for her.Think about sharing this idea and doing this for your mum and you.It means such a lot to have these memories to keep.Everyone enjoys their imput.Im thinking of you both and send you my love of peace.Mum from New Zealand