First chemo tx tomorrow and FREAKING!!

[DaniInMaine]

I started to write all my history, but you know what? None of it matters 'cause tonight we're just trying to prepare for whatever the first chemo 'event' consists of. THANK you, Lydia and all those who have shared because it helps SO MUCH in the prep. Funny thing is, after reading for ourselves the pathology report, the "high risk" factors for recurrence is SO much higher. Tired of the uncertainty, the lack of clear sharing of info from the Drs.,th lack of return calls from said Dr.s, and most importantly, the stress and fear on my partner's face every time I look at her. Damn, this SO sucks!

[Phuong]

It might help for you to journal how you feel each day. I would get migraines with one of my treatments, so I started watching when I would feel the symptoms and then would preempt them. Disconnect from the Chemo pump Friday, migraine Saturday afternoon. So Saturday morning I get up to take a hydrocodone and go back to sleep. When I get up I have a tolerable headache insteadh of a migraine. Hope that helps!

[Bev G]

Hello:

Oh, Dear, do I remember this so, so well. I was so panicked before my first chemo. How could I go? I raced to the board and posted a message very similar to the one you just wrote. I don't have words to describe the terror I felt. Retrospectively, I guess it was a terror that was out of perspective to the actual event.

I called my brother in VT who serves as my brother/mother/father/therapist because I have pretty FU'd support system husband wise, and a long, complicated dysfunctional family story. Anyway, I called him and said I wasn't brave enough to go in for chemo. He replied, "well, what would being brave for chemo look like?". Me: I don't know. My brother: Maybe it would just look like putting one foot in front of the other, then going through the door, then sitting in the chair. Me (crying): OK, I think I can do that. But then what? My brother: B-R-E-A-T-H-E and know that you will know exactly what to do, one breath at a time (or something like that).

Anyway, that worked for me. There is, in fact, no prescribed way to do it, but putting one foot in front of the other seems like fantastic advice. I was far more scared of chemo than surgery, but as many on the board will tell you (they told me) it's not as bad as you imagine. Your partner is lucky to have you. The biggest help is to have someone there, as far as I'm concerned. I slept through a lot of my three rounds of chemo, but it was the best to know that my son was there with me.

Good luck tomorrow. I hope, and expect, it will be much easier than you are thinking tonight. Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Bev

[DaniInMaine]

Thank you both so much. I so appreciate all the I put I get and/or read hear and I'm sure you're right about it being "better" or "easier" than I am anticipating. I'm not afraid of pain, per sae, but more the uncertainty. I'm sure everyone thinks this thought many times a day......is the treatment worth the outcome. In many cases yes, in my case (and therefore, my partner's), we're still searching.

F
tomorrow will be a better day because we'll move forward and then see where we're at. Just so darn scary at the time!

[joeyooser]

For me I found the chemo was not as bad as some people had said it would be and the six months flew by. Of course everyone is different. Seriously with this two week repetitive schedule it does go more quickly than you'd think. Good luck with your first treatment and let us know how you're doing.

[Anji]

It's so important to find a doctor who SHARES information, and LISTENS to you. We travel an hour each way for hubby's treatments (and any visits in between, scans, etc.) because we wanted that kind of doctor.

As for the fear of the unknown first visit, I think that's totally normal. Actually, it was kind of a "let down" of sorts. It was amazing how caring the nurses were, and we've found that a great relationship with at least one nurse at the practice is helpful. Any questions, fears, etc, and we just call her. That has been a lifesaver for us many, many times.

Know that you are being thought of, prayed for, and remembered tomorrow. This is something that NO ONE would ever want to experience, but the knowledge that people are here, supporting you and thinking of you, may bring more comfort than you would ever expect.

Good luck tomorrow, and let us know how it goes!

[LeeT]

Good luck for your treatment tomorrow. It is a very nerve wracking experience as you don't know what to expect, how you are going to feel etc. My first onc nurse was/ is an angel- she made me feel very comfortable and it felt like nothing was too much for her to do- she even gave me an ice lolly when they attached my 5FU pump as this is supposed to reduce mouth sores? I really felt like a VIP with the treatment I received.
One thing I was also apprehensive about was being amongst all the "sick" people and thinking that I would be staring at the other cancer patients - thinking that chemo makes everyone bald, stick thin and frail. Much to my surprise I was sitting in the waiting room wondering (for 99% of the patients) who was sick and who was the support- this was very comforting to see that chemo was manageable and that life goes on (with a slight adjustment).
I still get butterflies before each treatment, wondering whether I passed my bloodwork, wondering whether this treatment will knock me on my ass (so far so good...a little dizzy when I first get up from the treatment but I have been able to drive 1 1/2 home...and then usually lie down for a quick nap) and wondering if there will be anything good on tv while I have my 1 1/2 treatment
I hope you manage well on your chemo regime and that your results are great!

[SkiFletch]

I'm not afraid of pain, per sae, but more the uncertainty

Bingo, EXACTLY how I felt. It sucks and it's really hard to get through it. Even after the first treatment day itself, when every side effect pops up, you freak out wondering if it will get worse, or when it will get better. It really sucks a big one. What helped me was some advice from a friend, "Fake it until you make it". And oh boy did I fake it that first week. But believe this, cause it is true: that uncertainty definitely goes away after the first one, and the rest are much easier. Towards the end when side effects mount it's a little tougher, but that's more of an anger emotion really

[RayGirl]

Good luck tomorrow!

It will be easier than you imagine and try not to worry about the side effects. I looked at the long list of possibilities and told the nurse I'll take that discolor nailed side effect and told you can keep the rest. Unfortunately she said that with my complexion that was the least likely one I'd get. Oh well, I just kept right on believing until I was proved wrong, and it did get me through the first infusion.

[dianne052506]

DaniInMaine,

Don't know if you will get this before the big event tomorrow, but you can do this. We've all been there, and we will do everything we can to help you through this.
Hang in there.
Dianne

[lydia123]

Dani -

One thing that surprised me in the infusion center was how relaxed all the patients seemed to be. At least half were asleep. Pretty sure it was the free-flowing ativan. After this past weekend with all the drama, I would HIGHLY recommend asking for some.

Good luck to you.

Lydia

[Anji]

Thinking of you and praying for you this morning.

[DaniInMaine]

Thank you all for your words of support and understanding. I'm sitting in th chair with my 2 hour drip now going and am much calmer...... Of course that could be due to the anti anxiety med I got as I saw in the chair. After this they say it's a final dose of magnesium and then they hook up the pump and I'm on my way. Sure hope all of these anti nausia and vomiting drugs will iWork. Getting sleepy... Time to zzzzzzz

[CRguy]

Hoping all goes well for you today and over the next few days. I'll be infusing and "cruising" Cycle 4, Wed to Fri, so we are chemo buddies this week. let us know what's up and stay strong on the journey !

Cheers
CRguy

[DaniInMaine]

Home now and oh! So relieved. Could NOT have made it if I hadn't 1) "put 1 foot in front of the other, a step at a time" 2) "breathe, just b-r-e-a-t-h-e and 3) asked for an anti- anxiety pill before they started. Thank you, all of you for your insights. Support, and warm wishes!

Right now I still feel GREAT but will keep an eye out for side effects. Over the next few days. Pump comes out Thurs. at 12:30 and round 1 will be done. Yes!!!