Marking 4-year cancerversary

[dianne052506]

Today makes 4 years since the morning I heard that mind-numbing word, "cancer." Given the degree of metastasis at the time, and the fact that several of my doctors didn't expect me to last out that first year, I truly believe that each day I wake up on this earth is a miracle. I do my best to celebrate each one as it comes.

I can mark this anniversary, but it is hard to celebrate it. I've lost too many friends along the way, especially this year. My onc acknowledges, but doesn't understand my survivor's guilt. He is always reminding me that my health is not something I can give to someone else like a gift. While I still live, my obligation to those friends I have lost is to live life to its fullest. Even on the bad days, I have to try.

So I am noting today with special "thank yous" to those who have helped me along the way. I'll call some family and friends. I'm writing letters to those doctors that I only see occasionally now, and I epecially wanted to say "thank you" to those here. You have given me answers to my questions, you have made me laugh at the unlaughable circumstances we are in, you have corrected me when I have been in error, and, most of all, made me feel less alone.

To the friends that have already passed from this earth, and to their family members who still visit this board, an extra "thank you." You have been examples of grace, strength, and love - things that all of us need in good measure.

I still have disease that we are attempting to hold at bay with chemo, so I'm not cured. I meet other people's definition of the world "survivor," but it's hard for me to call myself one. I am a major pacifist, so I dislike the phrases about "fighting," or "battling" disease. I'm hanging in there. I'm still with my family and friends, and that's what counts.

Best wishes to all of us, as we continue to try to hang in there.
Dianne

[SkiFletch]

Congrats on making it to 4 years, that's a real accomplishment and you should try to feel happy about it, with or without the survivor's guilt. Love the good news

[helen098]

Here’s to many more years of hanging in there

[ams5796]

Dianne, you made my day! Congratulations and thank you.

[salysue]

What a great story! Go celebrate this gigantic milestone!

[Terry]

Congratulations! Four years is great. I will probably always be on some type of treatment to except for some small chemo breaks that I cherish. I hope that someday a cure will be found and that both of us can be done with chemo once and for all.

[blakeswife]

Dianne,

4 Years??? Congrats!! That is absolutely awesome!!

You inspire me. I truly appreciate the knowledge and insight you're always willing to share.

I hope you have a terrific summer!

Kathy

[tytiff]

Thank you Diane, for this post! I am getting more out of it than you can know! I think I can understand a little of your survivor's guilt, but although they are gone, you can cherish their memory by living life to the fullest. They would want that, I believe. Congratulations on beating the dr's odds. That is great! Try to be happy about your success and enjoy your summer.

Tiffany

[NWgirl]

4 years is awesome. You enjoy every minute. We mourn the passing of our friends, but we celebrate victories like yours. Thank you for sharing.

[eitter]

Happy Four Year Dianne....Mine was the 5th and also 4 years, so we are May Girls!!! And we are still here to tell about it!

I see you are from NC, I just spent a magical LONG weekend on Bald Head island, WOW, what a place! My cousin got married there. If you have never been there, GO, all your cares will be washed away by the ocean and magical feeling of the island!

[EBMJ]

First, congrats to you. You just reminded me that yesterday was my 3 year anniversary. It hasn't been easy but it still beats the alternative. Even my tightly lipped Onc said to me last week, "isn't it amazing that 3 years later we are still looking at curative measures for you." This because I am having 2 lung tumors cut out next week. This should make me free of all visible disease for the first time in 2 years. We still have to worry about what lurks at the cellular level, but for now i will take it. Here's to many more anniversaries for all of us !!!

Jim