I'm not used to posting in this capacity without a "Stephen question," and my new definition is awkward. I'm not really a caregiver anymore, not right now, and I'm feeling a little lost. I've been thinking about how I could continue to help anyone here, mainly because I want to give back some help that I received so often.
I'm okay with this, I don't beat myself up about it. However, I do wish I would have had the foresight to know this ahead of time. It's a very difficult balancing act, but being away from the constant everyday-ness of it allows me a certain clearer perspective. Maybe that will help someone here...I hope so.
cindyz wrote:It's amazing what a few days will bring, and how things can change on a dime...for better or worse. I'm not used to posting in this capacity without a "Stephen question," and my new definition is awkward. I'm not really a caregiver anymore, not right now, and I'm feeling a little lost. I've been thinking about how I could continue to help anyone here, mainly because I want to give back some help that I received so often.
I thought I would post something to the caregivers who still have loved ones living with cancer. I have been very deep in thought/reflection since Stephen's death on May 9th, and of course there are regrets and second-guessing that I suppose come with the grieving cycle. ... So, here goes. One of the biggest changes I think I would have made during Stephen's illness is getting off the internet. I researched all the time, obsessively. I wish now that I had put my computer down and just given him an extra massage. Or just talked to him. Or whatever. Anything with him. I was so busy trying to save his life that I didn't live his life with him as fully as I now wish I would have. I don't blame myself, but looking back I realize how sacred our moments were together. I DID realize that then, just not to the extent that I realize now. Maybe I should have only researched when he was sleeping...things like that cross my mind.
I'm okay with this, I don't beat myself up about it. However, I do wish I would have had the foresight to know this ahead of time. It's a very difficult balancing act, but being away from the constant everyday-ness of it allows me a certain clearer perspective. Maybe that will help someone here...I hope so.
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