How to chase away the blues -- suggestions?

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missjv
Posts: 1416
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:38 am
Location: FLORIDA

Postby missjv » Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:56 pm

hi all,
well i am now starting the feeling of being depressed and over whelmed and i don't know why. i did just have a successful liver resection and i now am considered NED which i am so glad for but now i have this constant nagging in my head that this crap will reoccur and i will be maintained by chemo this rest of my life, my docs assure me that yes there is a possibilty of recurrance but there is also a possibilty of no recurrance as well and to think of it that way. i am on clean up chemo for 6 months in case any microscopic crap is trying to grow somwhere in my body and i also have hepatic artery pump as well and all my path reports came back great docs see no evidence of any other cancer and im still freaked. i have always had a very positive attitude since diagnosis in june 2006 but now im starting to crack i too cried at my last chemo session even though i know i should be thankful that these drugs are avaiable i wanted to rip the crap out of my chest and smack the nurse. maybe it is a combo of post surgery blues and pain killer withdraw and the fact i missed christmas cause i felt like crap. i also am a very independent person and now my usual chores i did before surgery have to be done by my husband who already works 14 hour days and is exhausted when he gets home, we have a farm so i had alot of stuff to do i know it is a matter of time and i will be able to lift again i just feel like a useless slug right now and i try not to show it in front of my 8 year old daughter as she is already upset mommy is sick. do i make sense anyone? am i normal or losing it?

missjv

sevenyear
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:59 pm
Location: Northern Virginia

whiner

Postby sevenyear » Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:45 pm

Obviously you didn't read any of the previous posts:
Be grateful that
1. Your married, have a child already and your husband hasn't left you. You aren't single or divorced and don't have to convince anyone that you are a great "long term" prospect.
2. you were diagnosed in 2006. Most people now live over five years with many long periods of low or no chemo when they can actually live somewhat normally. It only gets worse after five years if it hasn't been totally cured by then. At worst, you should live long enough to see your daughter be a teenager.
3. Your husband is doing your chores-poor girl. After seven years I am still working full time (although with all my sick leave & vacation eaten up by cancer treatments) because I'm too young to be allowed to retire under our societies' retirement rules. I'm sure many others diagnosed at a young age are doing the same. Work does fill the day and take your mind off personal problems. It sounds like you need to get a job or do volunteer work to fill the day.
4. Many studies say physical exercise actually helps colon cancer victims survive longer. You're lucky you live on a farm-do some chores and get some exercise.

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Sweet Peg
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Postby Sweet Peg » Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:09 pm

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling down Missjv! I haven't been on the Colon Club a lot of late so just saw your post. NO, you aren't going crazy for feeling this way at all! We ALL have different ways of handling things and we ALL have points in our lives when we just can't be happy and positive all the time. It is called "being human" dear. We are not robots who can set our minds and hearts on positive and happy mode all the time. It is hard enough trying to be happy and positive when we are healthy let alone going through Cancer! That is why we have the Colon Club to come to. You NEED to express your feelings and what is bugging you so you CAN move on and get past it. WE are here for support, comfort, love and listening ears for ANYONE who needs it. Sometimes the Colon Club is here to get answers, sometimes it is here to get information and sometimes it is here to support any of us who is going through a rough time.

Cancer of any type is a terribly hard thing for ANYONE to go through missjv. None of us should be here to criticize or put anyone down for expressing how they are feeling. All of us going through the different stages of our cancer journey put ourselves down enough without others doing it for you, so again I will say a BIG NO, you are not losing it at all!! You just hit a bump in the road of your journey, but I CAN tell you this.....you WILL pick yourself up and be stronger for going through this little bump ok!!!

Now, try to put a little smile on your face and know WE AR HERE FOR HELP AND SUPPORT. I hope this has helped you just a little....if not, maybe this will!! HUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Peg

missjv
Posts: 1416
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:38 am
Location: FLORIDA

Postby missjv » Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:52 pm

hi,
thanks for the replies seven year person was a little harsh and judgemental but oh well. i am thankful im alive and i am thankful for the treatments available. i think the major surgery and the pain pills have gotten to me also i now can't seem to sleep all night. i do get out and walk and i do go to my job so all this is not from boredom i think ever since i found out i had cancer i did not freak out i went straight into survivor mode and did not really let it sink into my brain. and too seven year person who made the reply to say i might live to see my child become a teenager do you know how that feels? are you a parent? how dare you judge me. im glad your fricken super person and you can pass judgement on someone else good for you glad your doing so well.


missjv

tandy24
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 7:48 pm
Facebook Username: Lisa Tandy
Location: Florida

Postby tandy24 » Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:15 am

Hey Missjv,
You know you have always been someone I have the upmost respect for, you have been so positive through all of this!!! I have two boys myself 9 and 6 and i know what you are going through. I dont want to just live to see my boys become teens I want to be there when my first grandchild is born HE@# I want to be there when my first great grandchild is born!!! It is hard to think "hey well at least I get to see my kid become a teen" yeah thats a happy thought!!! What you are going through is very much the norm. Not that you are not happy to be alive and thankful. But we all are going through rough times and every person's story is different, to me know one should judge the other.
God Bless and Believe,

missjv
Posts: 1416
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:38 am
Location: FLORIDA

Postby missjv » Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:23 am

hi tandy,
i am just having a rough few days and i really got pissed off being judged on this board and being called a whiner because this board is here for us to have support and talk about how we feel not be called names and criticized. if that seven year person is a judgmental and name calling person they have picked the wrong place to come to. i have never seen anyone on this board use name calling or criticizing of anyone here we are all going through our own personal hell and being called a whiner is completely uncalled for and then insulting me saying i might live long enough to see my daughter become a teenager is the worst thing anyone has said to me in such a negative nasty tone. well today is another day and i will get through all this crap and be just fine, and too seven year person sorry your such a bitter individual have a nice day!


missjv

Lifes2short
Posts: 549
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 10:54 pm
Location: Salt Lake City, UT

Postby Lifes2short » Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:59 pm

I was sad to see Sevenyear's angry post. One of the things I love about this forum is how kind and supportive everyone is. This is a place where we should feel safe in sharing our emotions - sadness, fear, anxiety, hope, happiness. They all come out in various posts.

Sevenyear, I'm sorry that you are angry and alone. I've often wondered how anyone could get through something like this alone. But to throw stones at others who are worried about their kids is just plain wrong. Be happy that you don't have a child who has to live through all the pain and fear of your treatment, only to likely have to face losing a parent to this aweful disease. You have no idea how it feels to look into the face of your child and know that you won't be there to help him/her grow up. I do. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I certainly wouldn't criticize a cancer patient who is worried about her child.

'nuf said.

missjv
Posts: 1416
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:38 am
Location: FLORIDA

Postby missjv » Sat Jan 13, 2007 4:15 pm

hi,
thanks lifes too short! i was also sad to see such a post and be criticized for expressing my feelings. im happy that i found this place and can vent when i need too, i would never think of calling someone on this board a name or offer any kind of criticizim i think that was totally uncalled for. when is your surgery scheduled? i read that you now have a surgeon that is great news i had my liver resection december 8th i am still sore and can't lift and do alot of stuff i used to do for a while but all in all the surgery was not that terrible except day after, and it got rid of my cancer so thats the best part, i am on clean up chemo now in case of microscopic stuff. ask your surgeon about a hepatic artery pump to send chemo to your liver they put it in during liver resection and i hear it really makes a difference from people i spoke with in the waiting room at docs office some keep pump in years after surgery and some get it out within 2 years if no recurrance. well good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress. 5 lesions nowdays can be resected, they used to go by amount of lesions a person had now they go by how much healthy liver can be spared and they can remove alot of liver and the best part is it will regenerate so hang in there im sure you will be fine, we have to beat this stuff and get these children of our raised up.


missjv

Molly
Site Admin
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Location: Glens Falls, New York
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Postby Molly » Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:52 am

Hey all-

I want to start by saying once again how grateful I am for ALL of you and the support that you've given each other since we started ths message board. When I was first diagnosed almost 8 years ago, there was nowhere to go to find anyone else like me - i.e. diagnosed young - and that was scary and especially lonely. This message board has blossomed in a way I never thought possible, and while on the one hand, it's so sad that there are so many of us, I am so happy to know that we have somewhere to come together and share our thoughts and feelings.

That said, please remember that we ALL have a story. None of us knows what anyone else is REALLY going through, everyone is different (meaning that something that might work for one person may have the opposite effect on another) and ALL of us have had our bad days. We've cried, laughed, been pissed and wanted to say, "Screw the world." Cancer sucks. We all know that...and every one of us is going through it in some way. This board is a place where we can ask questions, tell stories, and help and support each other through our individual journeys. I'm also extremely proud that it is a place to let out our feelings without worry that anyone will pass judgement. Heck, I don't even care if you drop a few four-letter words on occasion. :)

That said, I (as a survivor, but also as the board moderator) have to ask that we all do that with respect. In the end, we hope for more good days than bad, and in the meantime, we are here to support each other.

MissyJV, keep smiling. We are all here for each other...

bud
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 5:02 am

Postby bud » Sat Jan 20, 2007 6:17 am

find a cancer support group where you can go and ventilate when needed.
also, get outside yourself - volunteer at the cancer center, animal shelter, hospice, etc anywhere that you can find others in more need than yourself.
bud


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