hi all,
well i am now starting the feeling of being depressed and over whelmed and i don't know why. i did just have a successful liver resection and i now am considered NED which i am so glad for but now i have this constant nagging in my head that this crap will reoccur and i will be maintained by chemo this rest of my life, my docs assure me that yes there is a possibilty of recurrance but there is also a possibilty of no recurrance as well and to think of it that way. i am on clean up chemo for 6 months in case any microscopic crap is trying to grow somwhere in my body and i also have hepatic artery pump as well and all my path reports came back great docs see no evidence of any other cancer and im still freaked. i have always had a very positive attitude since diagnosis in june 2006 but now im starting to crack i too cried at my last chemo session even though i know i should be thankful that these drugs are avaiable i wanted to rip the crap out of my chest and smack the nurse. maybe it is a combo of post surgery blues and pain killer withdraw and the fact i missed christmas cause i felt like crap. i also am a very independent person and now my usual chores i did before surgery have to be done by my husband who already works 14 hour days and is exhausted when he gets home, we have a farm so i had alot of stuff to do i know it is a matter of time and i will be able to lift again i just feel like a useless slug right now and i try not to show it in front of my 8 year old daughter as she is already upset mommy is sick. do i make sense anyone? am i normal or losing it?
missjv