Sex and chemo

[Lattemoon]

I see you are all enjoying my sex topic. Yay!!! At least talking about it is fun, right?

Actually, it's my husband on the chemo, 5-FU only at this time, and he's on a constant infusion pump that he wears like a purse. And there is no pregnancy concern for us....we're too old and also I don't have the necessary uterus, etc.

They did tell us to use a condom, but I guess I'm just being stubborn or stupid and thinking.....why? If he is on chemo, why should I worry about a chance of absorbing a little of it from him once in a blue moon?

I don't know; maybe I'm in denial.

[Ivona]

When I was on Folfox I was told to flush the toilet twice and keep the lid down. Sex wasn't an issue since I felt too crappy for that. I've been finished with chemo for over two weeks and my sex drive is practically non existent. Between the constant pooping and the fatigue...I just can't get excited about sex...hopefully this will change eventually.

[Gaelen]

I see you are all enjoying my sex topic. Yay!!! At least talking about it is fun, right?
Actually, it's my husband on the chemo, 5-FU only at this time, and he's on a constant infusion pump that he wears like a purse. And there is no pregnancy concern for us....we're too old and also I don't have the necessary uterus, etc.
They did tell us to use a condom, but I guess I'm just being stubborn or stupid and thinking.....why? If he is on chemo, why should I worry about a chance of absorbing a little of it from him once in a blue moon?
I don't know; maybe I'm in denial.

Lattemoon, there is definitely more risk to the receiving partner if the partner on chemo is male--usually men produce more fluids during sex than women, and while membrane to membrane contact is a risk, there is a higher risk from fluid absorption and fluid contact. If you're the receiving partner, you're at risk--not of catching cancer, but of exposure to the chemicals and their side effects.

RE: 'They did tell us to use a condom, but...why? if he is on chemo, why should I worry about a chnace of absorbing a little of it from him?'

It's poison. Each of us reacts to it differently, and for some of us, only a very small amount in mg/meter-squared is enough to put us in the bathroom for a couple hours or more.
Docs don't give patients (and their families and sexual partners) advice just for the heck of saying the words out loud. Warnings exist because partners are affected, and not in a good way, by absorbing the chemo chemicals during sex. If your husband is on continuous 5FU, then you're at risk.

Would you be equally resistant to this if he had a contagious disease that could be transmitted to you during sex?
No?
Then go buy some condoms! You're not going to catch cancer, but you could get sick from the chemo. And you can't help him if you get sick, too.

[TerryM]

For some reason it won't let me log in?

Anyway, while you cannot catch cancer (which I totally agree), chemo drugs can and have caused other cancers to pop up in people receiving it. Not to say that by having sex you'll get enough to cause that to happen, but do we know that for sure? That's my husbands biggest fear. No actually, his biggest fear is if we have sex without a condom is that his you know what will fall off:) LOL! MEN!

Terry

[Lattemoon]

Consider me chastised. And thank you, Gaelen, for the very firm response, which is what I needed. So, if you think I haven't already exposed myself beyond repair in these two episodes, I'm going to clean up my act. And I'm not trying to sound flip; I'm serious. I have OCD and I've already been wondering if it's too late for me, seriously. You guys are great.

[Terry]

It's never to late!:)

[Hannah]

Don't worry, Lattemoon! I would guess that part of this has to be is that it's very, very difficult to deal with the fact that life isn't the way it used to be. You want to find the parts of both of your lives that you can keep "normal" without cancer invading them. It would be pretty darn nice if at least sex was off limits to cancer!

Hannah

[Hannah]

And I meant to say no, I definitely don't think you've exposed yourself too much. Using a condom is more of a precaution for "what if" rather than a "definitely going to happen" situation.

Hannah

[wwroam]

I'm surprised , lattemom that your husband had the libido on chemo to be interested.

[Lattemoon]

wwroam, I guess I'm so very hot that not even big bad chemo can keep a man away from me!
NOT! I would imagine that it's because he's only been on the chemo for three weeks and I don't know if it makes a difference, but it's only 5-FU. After next week, they will add Leucovorin to the funhouse and he will probably feel worse. He has done pretty well in that he hasn't really manifested yet any symptoms I expected, like nausea. He has been tired and feels "weird", but until this past Monday that was all. Then he got sores in his mouth and NOSE!!! The doc told us today that we should put bricks under our mattress so he wouldn't get reflux at night. They took him off the pump from Monday until today, then restarted it today. Thankfully, because of the delay, our weekly appointment is now on Wednesdays!! That's great, because we have been having to wait two or more hours in the waiting room on Mondays, then another hour to get the pump refilled after having blood drawn and seeing the doctor.

I think you guys are right; I just want something to be normal, and I hate to make him feel even worse by bringing up the subject of the condom, but I will.

You guys have come to mean a great deal to me in even this short time. The Colon Club message board is definitely a soft place to fall.

[wwroam]

Lattemoon, you must be. Don't underestimate the effects of 5FU, its a potent chemo even though its been around for ever, and flies under the radar for side effects. Please excuse my hobby horse but make sure that your husband has adequate sun protection when going out into the light ( including sunglasses). 5FU increases sun sensitivity dramatically and some of the long term effects are not pretty ( see the retina thread).

[Brendaindy]

Hmm, no one ever talked to me about using condom's or any thing. Then again who the heck wants sex anyway during Chemo week. lol

Im just now starting to have very cautious sex almost a year after completing Radiation and it screwed me up. Still some pain in a few places but its all about the position.

Good topic

[amvandelay]

What if your partner is on a different type of chemo. Has that been discussed?

Shawn

[Terry]

The chemo doesn't matter they only get worse. It's just not worth taking a chance. I do think it's probably worse for a woman not being protected if the man is on the chemo because of more fluids but I still wouldn't take any uneccessary chances.

[BrownBagger]

I maintained my sex drive during chemo (oral Xeloda), but the radiation made it pretty painful. As in volcanic. Once my wife figured that out, she didn't want to be responsible for me "suffering." Compassionate soul that she is. But she's not a guy, so she really didn't understand that when it comes to filling basic needs, pain is irrelevant.

My libido disappeared shortly after I checked into the hospital for my LAR. It was gone for a good three weeks. Tragic. I was working with severely diminished cognitive capacity as a result. Something like 80 percent of my normal mental spectrum was suddenly gone. Poof! Fortunately, it came back eventually. What a relief. That's when I knew I was recovering.

The illeo bag has been an impediment for me. But it should be gone in less than two weeks. Then, look out!