awareness

[Ron50]

For those that don't know my story I am a 56 yr old survivor of st3 colon cancer 6/13 lymph nodes involved. I was dx in Jan 98 so this nextJan will be the end of year nine.
I had a very old regime of chemo. 5FU and a anti parasitic drug called levamisole. I know of three other survivors who had this regime.
We have a combined total of 42 years of survival. One has just under gone a liver transplant because of long term toxcicity from chem. Another who posted here recently is facing a double hip transplant as a result of l/t side effects of chem. My friend Virginia has had several benign tumours removed and is currently showing symptoms of MS. I have had non-stop gastro-intestinal problems ranging from ulcers to pancreatitis and gallbladder removal as well as liver and kidney problems.
When I asked my surgeon about l/t side effects of chemo he replied "who knows who cares ,if we find a drug that kills cancer without killing the patient ,we are obliged to use it".
I see a lot of posts from survivors . Most seem to think that end of chemo = end of problems. This post is not about being negative. It is about trying to make you aware that survival is tough and you HAVE to be prepared for long term effects both physical and mental.
I don't think that any survivors can fully understand the impact that cancer has on their loved ones. I didn't until last weekend when my wife told me she was leaving me. She said that there were no ggod times in our marriage any more . My chemo also resulted in total sexual dysfunction so there has been little intimacy in the last ten years. So I can't really blame her . If I could go back ten years and do it differently I might make a difference. It really is something that survivors need to think about. Our loved ones catch our impression that once chemo ends life returns to normal. Perhaps for a very lucky few it may and I make that wish for all of you. It hasn't for me ,I no longer think of life after cancer as anything but survival.
Ron.

[Lifes2short]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife leaving you. But I can imagine how it could happen. Cancer is tough on a marriage.

You raise a very good point and something that we should all be aware of. We all dream of hearing a diagnosis of NED... but there is so much healing to do after that... years of pain and fear to recover from, both for the cancer patient and their loved ones.

Right now I am focused on the fight of my life and I want only to survive long enough to see my children grow up. I spent the last six months thinking that my life expectance was somewhere between months and a couple years. I've recently found out that I am a candidate for liver resection. I have real hope for years of life or even possibly a cure. But I don't fool myself that it'll be easy. I already have bladder problems and chronic constipation. I fear that I am a candidate for bowel and/or bladder fistulas as a result of eight weeks of radiation (the final three weeks were totally unnecessary - but hindsight is always 20/20). I don't doubt that the chemo will cause long term effects. I rejected Avastin for this reason - there's just not enough long-term data to know if it is safe. So it might help in the short-term, I am frightened of unknown long-term side-effects.

Please hang in there, Ron. This, too, shall pass. Though survival means a lifetime of fighting, there are still so many sweet moments to savor along the way. Keep focusing on the good times that are still to come.

[pearlgirl]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you right now. I hope you have access to counseling - it may help you to deal with the after-effects of your treatment and the rift in your marriage, far better than any of us can in this forum.

You must be a very strong person, even if you don't feel that way right now. You've overcome cancer, established a support network of friends in similar circumstances and you've been hanging in there, putting one foot in front of the other, every day for NINE years! That takes incredible fortitude.

I feel as if this post sounds trite. It's not meant to at all. There are no words large enough/strong enough/powerful enough to convey my compassion for you and your situation. Please just know that there are people out here who care about you.

pearlgirl