Keeping it real....

[margotmagoo]

Attitude is everything. I have been told by my friends and family that I have been so positive and have handled my diagnosis with such grace. I am proud of that. I was diagnosed with Stage IIIc colon cancer at the age of 40 on January 5th, 2006. I thought I was doomed. I am grateful for the Colon Club because it made me realize that I was not doomed. I am two months out of chemo. It seems to be all a blur now. So much has happened so quickly in such a short amount of time. I wanted to share my thoughts and hope they offer inspiration as I have been inspired by the posts on this message board.

Realism is the fine balance between optimism and hopelessness.
Every day I try to find that balance....try to keep it real.
I feel like I am walking on thin ice...No one knows their fate
but when something threatens it you realize that nothing is
for certain....you lose your sense of being invinsible and your
state of normalcy and the way you think shifts. I live day to day now.
I find myself hiding behind a facade to protect people from feeling my
burden. That way people are "up" and that helps me to be "up".
I supress my fears so I can remain positive. I know they are there
and I hope that they are not given the chance to resurface. My life
is in question and what a humbling place to be.

I am on a 5 year plan. During chemo I visualized my body as a Pacman
game with all of my cancer cells being gobbled up. Now I visualize my 45th birthday celebration, my kids (9 and 12) graduations, their first jobs, and their weddings (what will I wear?!?!).

To all of you who are starting this fight, fighting this fight, and who have won the battle....CHEERS!

[meighan]

Thank you for that it reflects so much of what my husband and i are feeling. It came at a time I really needed to know we are not alone so with tears i thank you and so can appreciate that feeling of protecting those around you. My husband is on his 10th round of chemo for stage 3 and yesterday was one of those long hellish days.........if i can i will vent here for a moment to let it go..........he had been delayed last week as he had a virus and fever but was all set yesterday until an hour into the treatment he had itchy skin and a red face so they stopped chemo and gave benedryl and then restarted.........got home late long day and the pump started to beep and he was tired from the benedryl but got that fixed only to have a fever again. Called the MD and gave him tylenol and benedryl and finally around 1 am fever broke and we slept. Today the MD saw him and he is back to normal or normal on chemo, she thinks it is just an isolated incident, they are doing a dosage reduction of the oxciliplatin and hoping he completes round 11 and 12. That is the thing isn't it we can adjust to this new normal and then you have a bad day and you are right back to all the fear and apprehensive feelings...........but the good days life never looked so sweet, we have three girls and have so much to look forward to......... I wish us all well on this journey I wonder what all of us will do with what we have learned i hope something great. thanks for sharing your feelings and thanks to the colon club i never got to say it before but to those of you in an old post who said the steroids might be keeping him awake night one of chemo you were right Round 10 and counting down, we can make it