I'm Cracking!

[Brad]

I'm a stage IV with mets to peritoneum CC survivor. I've been off of treatment for almost 10 months. I am having my 3rd cat scan since I've been off treatment on the 19th. I am so stressed. I'm more worried about this one that the last one (and i have no reason to be)... I thought this would get easier, but it's kinda like building a house of cards. When you first get started if you knock it down you don't have much to lose. I feel like I have that last card in my hand ready to put the finishing touches on my house of cards and the wind is blowing. I really don't know how to deal with this. I just want to crawl under a rock and hide until it's over. Can anybody relate?

[Lee]

Brad,

I can relate. What I have found that works for me is to tell myself, that stressing before the scans is a waste of my time/energy (ie-ignorance is bliss, and no one know the outcome yet). BUT once I take those scans I ALLOW myself to STRESS big time until I hear the results.

I too will be having my scans on the 19th of this month. I allow myself to count the days, but I will not allow myself to stress until after the scans.

We will have to check with each other on that day for moral support.

Good luck,

Lee

[missjv]

hi,
well you are farther ahead then i am i was diagnosed june 2006 with mets to liver and i have had 6 chemos and this morning i had my pet scan the first one since the diagnostic pet scan so i am stressed as well and i am just starting out. lady in pet scan had a dreary look on her face when she came and got me when test was done so i don't know if thats the way she looks all the time or what. i had cat scan recently and it showed shrinkage in my 3 lesions and the rest of cat scan appeared normal so i don't see doc again until the 9th so i will be biting my nails for the next 6 days.


missjv

[Lee]

Missjv,

Good luck with your scans, I will be praying for you. My oncologist has a nurse who walks patients to the rooms, this one day, my oncologist walked me back to her office. I thought for sure it was BAD NEWS, no everything was fine, but it sure SCARED me. I think because we are scared, we tend to notice every detail.

Again, I hope and pray your results are good ones.

Lee

[missjv]

hi lee,
thanks! i am just a nervous wreck this week im ususally pretty calm i did have a slight nervous breakdown when i was told i was stage 4 cancer from a stupid 1 1/2 mm polyp, the docs were sure i had another cancer somewhere because my polyp was at 1st a stage 0 because stalk was free of cancer and surrounding margins in sigmoid colon were also free of cancer and my cea was and still is 2 it went to 3 then back to 2 whatever that means, but here i am with 3 liver mets, very small ones but in any case they are still liver mets which i know is bad, but i plan on having surgery to remove them and being around to raise my 7 year old daughter, and if im not she will remember her mom put up one hell of a fight.

missjv

[Lee]

missjv,

I can relate. After my colonoscopy I was told they found a cancerous mass less than 4 cm. He thought stage 1, maybe stage 2, the good news was that they had found it early, surgery yes, chemo maybe. Further testing would show that the mass just outside my colon was 8 by 11 cm and that 4 nodes were affected, (so much for early detection). I was now a stage 3, I did fall apart, my husband picked me up, looked me straight into my eyes and said YOU WILL BE DANCING AT YOUR CHILDREN'S WEDDINGS (my kids were 10 and 12).

We were honest with the kids, I did not bog them down with details, but that I was going to fight this. I made a point of talking about it with friends in their presnce (ie- I did not try to hide it from them). My daughter figured I wasn't keeping anything from her as long as I was openly talking about it. If she had questions, she could always ask. Getting chemo, was a routine we all worked with.

Please remember, there are new drugs out today that were not available a few yrs ago, There are new surgical procedures that make it possible to remove colon cancer from other parts of the body, thus stage 4 is now treatable. I have a friend I will be meeting next week for the 1st time. She was diagnosed a yr ago (this past September) with stage 4 colon cancer. Today she is finished with chemo and is cancer free. Never give up the hope and be prepared to fight this. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

Lee

[Bryan S]

WHen I had my year follow up I thought I was calm cool collected etc BUT my blood pressure gave me away it was 250 over 180 this is stroke territor. I guess I was not so cool calm or collected I was just fooling myself. My Nurse that was prepping me for my colonoscopy was a breast cancer survivor and she told me about her first post ca mamogram and a similar blood pressure problem. SO you are not alone in worrying it is probably something we all do wether we admit it (as you have) or deny it (as I did ). Good luck with your test.

[Brad]

Thanks for your stories and suggestions. This is just hard for me. I'm a do-er not sit back and waiter. Feeling helpless sucks. At least while you're on Chemo you're actively fighting. All I can think about are the days that I didn't eat right, and all the times I sat on my butt on the couch instead of working out...This is just another part of the "cancer experience" that sucks!

[missjv]

hi lee,
well im happy to report my latest pet/ct scan showed a 70% decrease in my already small liver mets only 1 glowed on pet scan the other 2 are the size of a pencil tip and the largest is 1cm so now i am not having anymore nervous breakdowns i finished my 6th round of chemo today so my response was from the 5 chemos and docs say it is just fabulous and to have those spots removed from my liver and a little more just in case chemo then im good to go. im glad your meeting your friend who is cancer free that is great it can be beat. a nurse friend of mine has a neighbor who had liver mets and went through very aggressive chemo and it has been 4 years and he is still clean and he did not have surgery and he had quite a few large liver mets that were considered not removable because of their location on a major artery so im pretty sure i will be just fine and i will be dancing at my daughters wedding she is only 7 now so i have alot to look forward to!


missjv

[Lee]

missjv,

I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU !!! That has got to be the BEST NEWS. Yes, you are going to beat this, and we both will be dancing at our children's weddings.

Are you going to be having surgery soon? If I understood correctly, I believe so.

Again, congraduations on your wonderful results.

Lee