If I have to go through the idea of LAR and bag situation all over again, I'm sure I won't be taking it well. Perhaps as someone without kids, nothing will ever reassure me that the bag is okay unitl I actually have the bag ? But I hope the day never comes and I know I will not be okay if it did.
I hope you never have to decide on a bag either.
People can get the bag for a number of different reasons without having cancer. One of my brothers co-worker suffered from Crohn's disease for years. That can be very painful. That type of pain can also cause depression. He finally took his doctor's advice, had his colon removed, got a permanent colostomy, got his life back. AND no more pain.
Good friend of mine has diverticulosis, has had a couple of surgeries to remove infected sections of her colon. This was a few years back, butt her surgeon suggested that if it comes back again consider getting a permanent colostomy. How many time does someone have to have surgery before the say no more? He was trying to prepare her "to think about it." She shot back, "I'm already there" thanks to our conversations.
I don't ever remember someone telling me about LAR or bathroom issues especially in the beginning. I too went into a depression. I was told by some professional I probably only had 30% chance of beating this. That threw me into a depression. After a few weeks, I decided to put my big girl pants on & fight this tooth & nail. If it was going to take me, it was going to be a long fight first. This was over 16 yrs ago.
One of the reasons for getting this bag, towards the end of my radiation treatment, my 11 yr old daughter was suppose to compete in a swim meet. I realized at the last minute I would not be able to leave the house, let alone see her compete. Had to call a friend to get her there. Living that type of life would have thrown me into an on going depression.
At some point, I realized, there are other medical issues that could be worse than a bag, like suffering from a serious stroke where half your body is pretty much gone , when other relatives have to wipe your bottom when you can no longer do so. I'll take the bag. Butt I do respect/understand your decision.