Greeting to all forum members. Ive been reading this forum daily for a week now, and decided to share my cancer story today.
Im 23yo diagnosed with colon cancer two months ago.
Excuse me in advance for my broken english, because im actuallly froom Russia, just couldnt find any useful colon cancer forum in my language. I can actually read and understand even the most complex scientific research in english, but my writing and grammar sucks.
March:stool problems, mucus and occasional blood
May:Colonoscopy, suspicious polyp, biopsy:non cancerous.
June:Polyp excision, pathology after 2 weeks, tumor in situ, well diff adenocarcinoma, no signs of cancer in abd wall. Huge shock, cancer in 23.
But my local onc told me that there was no risk factors, im cancer free now and just need to attend check ups once in a half year
July:Drive to a bigger city, consultation with an experienced colorectal oncology MD, he insisted on doing a prophylactic LAR surgery on the excision spot
Surgery in a week: all good, fast recovery
I was very positive and happy that i caught cancer this early and left it no chances with excision, thinking about this as timely a sign to change my life habits, that i dodged the bullet.
Two weeks later: pathology report. 5 nodes positive out of 14, stage 3, t1n2a, mucinous ac. World fell apart around me. Was close to a suicide attempt this day.
Didnt think about a possibilty of dying soon ever before, and now it was present. Crushed, depressed, crying for days.
Next week: ultrasound, mri, chest ct. It was an unbelievably scary day. Nobody didnt even thought about possible mets before, and it was a real threat now. I was not ready for a news like this. All clear, thank god.
August:Signed up for chemo, xelox scheme, almost no side effects after first 2 days.
Did my research on google, it actually got my hopes up.
I was actually stage 3A at least, statistically 75 to 90% surviving without relapses. I started living my life close to usual, eating well, meeting with friends etc.
Few days ago: pathology re-review came in from my local hospital. They told me that original report missed a lot of info, it was just node number and cancer type, and asked to re-reviewed.
I googled things from their review, and, oh god, they found everything wrong that they could have possibly found in it. Extracapsular invasion, two tumor nodules with perineural invasion and suspected venous invasion, and even a fucking signet ring component in my mucinous carcinoma. Everything just screams bad prognosis.
This review just finished me psychologically. My 90% chances turned out to be a self induced lie. How can it be so bad? Am i really gonna die from cancer now?
Cant restore after it to this day.
Spending days from dusk till dawn just googling cancer research, reading cancer forums and crying. Feeling myself completely dead inside.
So, what should i really do from this point of time?
How can i try to restore psychologically from all this bad news?
How to live with knowledge that it is highly unlikely that i would see my thirties?
How do i attend my scans?
The whole thing feels like a nightmare rollercoaster now, with highly unlikely negative outcomes coming one after another.