Curious on attitude towards future

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Unitool78
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:47 am

Curious on attitude towards future

Postby Unitool78 » Sun Sep 06, 2020 9:22 am

So, my treatment has been going well. Latest scans showed little activity. Went ahead with 5 weeks of radiation with capecitebine to clean up. Rescan end of Oct.

I don't know how to react. Do I proceed with life like I don't have this axe over my head? Consider getting married? Look for career advancement? Buy a house? Heck, do I contribute more than the minimum required by my employer to retirement?

Wouldn't claim NED, but after ringing the bell to end radiation this week been thinking about how to move forward.

Maybe this is something better worked out in a therapist's office, but if love to hear from the wisdom of this group.

TIA
Stage 3 diagnosis Oct '17
Signet ring
12" sigmoid resection Nov '17
5 positive nodes
8 rounds CAPOX
NED June '18
Liver mets + Peri node found Oct '18
7 rounds FOLFIRI + Avastin for 5
PVE followed by right hepatectomy April '19
Significant Portal hypertension w/ large volume ascites (personal recorded 9.4 liters drained at once)
Resumed FOLFIRI June '19
Add'l lymph node involvement Oct '19 - resume FOLFIRI + Avastin
Aug '20 - 25 radiation treatments + capecitebine

User avatar
ginabeewell
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:30 am

Re: Curious on attitude towards future

Postby ginabeewell » Sun Sep 06, 2020 9:04 pm

Do you have people in your life to protect? If so the first thing I would do is max out I’m available life insurance. We were in pretty good shape with that before my diagnosis, and I’m so glad.

I’ve started to think about life in five year increments. No real reason why, other than shorter than that feels too scary and longer feels dangerously optimistic.

For me, the question I keep asking is, “is this what I want to be doing knowing I may not have as long as I would like?”

A book I am reading talks about the transition from an ego-driven to a soul-drawn life in the wake of tragedy. I’m doing a lot of thinking what parts of what I do are ego-driven vs soul-drawn. I have some pangs as I move away from ego-driven - eg I finally admitted I needed to move to part time; and it’s painful to realize I’m at least a portion “replaceable” as I sort through who can take over parts of my role. But that is my ego cringing, not my soul. The soul-drawing parts of what I do are firmly intact.
45 YO mom of twins (9) and lucky stepmom of 14/17 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets CEA 931
10/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix
12/18 typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm.
12/18 CEA 4.6
1/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/19 HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/19 Resume chemo (#9-19) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/19 CEA 1.3
7/19 liver resection
10/19 liver resection
1/20 NED! CEA 0.6
3/20 two new liver mets; FOLFIRI (5) and then add Vectibix (5)
8/20 CEA 0.7
Resection next?

polluxx
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:41 pm

Re: Curious on attitude towards future

Postby polluxx » Sun Sep 06, 2020 9:40 pm

I just completed my 12th FolFox treatment and I found myself floundering emotionally towards the end. I like to plan. My childhood friends tease me because I’m the only one who ended up doing exactly what they said they were going to do when we were kids. I made a plan and I stuck to it.

Now, I don’t know how to plan.

Will I live to be 102 and never have another brush with cancer?

Will we find Mets when I have my first post-chemo scan?

Either extreme is a possibility.

I was talking to a friend about some life choices he needed to make and I told him to visualize the future he wanted and then start taking the steps to get there. It hit me that I was giving the exact advice I needed to take myself. And I started feeling better almost immediately.

When I imagined the post-chemo life that I want most desperately, it was so mundane. I want days of homeschooling and visiting with my friends while our kids are at swim practice. I want holidays with all of my kids together. I want to go get a margarita with my husband. That’s it.

So I know there will be detours and I know there will be hiccups along the way, but I have charted my course and set out on the next leg of my journey.
Stage 3c
2/2020 Right colon hemicolectomy (invasive adenocarcinoma with micropillary features)
Moderately differentiated
Tumor size: 4.4 in greatest dimension Metastatic Carcinoma in 12 out of 28 lymph nodes
Extranodal extension identified
Margins negative

3/2020 Began 12 rounds of FolFox

Thedruid
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2018 1:49 pm
Facebook Username: theDruid

Re: Curious on attitude towards future

Postby Thedruid » Mon Sep 07, 2020 9:27 am

On my side, I continue working a lot antd trying to have a life as normal as possible.

I continue to think in what to do in the next years, but I completely lost my will to plan anything mre then 3 or 5 years ahead.

I am trying to imagine my disease as something I just need to keep under control, but I know depending on how it will resurface, this will be tricky.

At the end of the day, we need to keep a positive atitude and we need to keep fighting !
_____________________________________
Diagnosed 07/16/18, age 43
Colon Resection 03/08/18,
Stage 3B colon cancer, T3N2aMO
Lymph-vascular invasion confirmed
6/16 lymph nodes
Port installed in 08/25/18
FOLFOX started in 08/29/18 - finished 2/5/2019
Stage 4
Liver met found in 01/2020. RadioAblation in 02/2020

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 10230
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Curious on attitude towards future

Postby CRguy » Wed Sep 09, 2020 9:57 pm

Unitool78 wrote: Do I proceed with life like I don't have this axe over my head?
For those of us living under the sword of Damocles ... DON'T look up !

Consider getting married?
Thank you BUTT ... I am already taken :shock: :oops: :roll:

Look for career advancement?
You ARE WHO YOU ARE ... so BE what you need to be !... WORD

Buy a house?
IMO .... "yes" because I have had great success with real estate ... IME.

Heck, do I contribute more than the minimum required by my employer to retirement?
I am not in the USA... BUTT I have socked away private and publically funded contributions for years ...again JMO


Wouldn't claim NED, but after ringing the bell to end radiation this week been thinking about how to move forward.
The fact you are here to THINK about it means !!!!!!! CHEERS and Carpe Diem

Maybe this is something better worked out in a therapist's office, but if love to hear from the wisdom of this group.
Yeah 'cause WE DON'T Charge for sessions !!!! WE just LIVE THEM !!!!!!

TIA

Kick ASS and take names buddy

Harmony on the Journey
CRguy
Caregiver x 4
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
13 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far


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