I am so sorry for what you are going through.
I have a permanent colostomy, my decision, with my husband's full support. Best decision I made. I went into surgery knowing the outcome. That was 16 yrs ago.
Radiation destroyed most of my rectal muscle, thus I was tied to the toilet for hours if I ate. Since I had 2 young children, many days I did not eat anything until I knew I was home for the day. Generally around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. If my husband and I tried dinner out. I had 1 hour before I would be sitting on the toilet. If i made a certain noise, dropped everything & dash home, because it was coming out regardless of what I was doing. Never left home without adult diapers. I would have accepted this way of life if I had to, butt my surgeon wanted me to see an ostomy nurse prior to my surgery. That ostomy nurse requested my husband be at that meeting. That was when my husband & I learned what a colostomy was.
When we left that meeting, husband said he would support me in what ever decision I made, butt pointed out, we now know there is an option to get your life back. I stated I want that bag & have not looked back. I have cried maybe 3 times that I have this bag, thanked my lucky stars a million + times and thanked God I do have this bag.
Yes there is a recover period, butt once beyond that, that is it. No pain, radiation did more damage to me than that surgery or getting the bag.
The bag does not hold me back. When my kids were younger, we always went to Florida to see Grandpa, swimming in the ocean was part of the fun. I love body surfing. I was in my 20's, friend & I were playing in the Jersey shore. I was trying to body surf, not doing well when an 8 yr kid came up to me, "lady do you know what you'? I responded, "I'm trying, but no I don't". That kid spent 20 mins teaching me how to body surf. Been doing it ever since.
I also love horse back riding. I was a few months out from my surgery when I was doing all day field trips for my son class. I always carry supplies with me or in the car. Bottom line, I am in control, not my bowels.
I will be honest, I am very open about talking to anybody about my bag. To the best of my knowledge, nothing is off limit. And through the years I've actually helped few people. If you have any questions ask away. Either here or PM. I prefer here in case I can help someone out there.
There is a forum, like ours, you might want to check out. UOAA United Ostomyn Association of America.https://www.uoaa.org/forum/viewforum.ph ... 71aa6479d0
I go by the name of Nickolas, our beloved 18 yr old cat who was about to be put down when I joined, to honor him. But check that site out.
Again if you have any questions, fire away. Good luck.