The Colon Club

Mohrfamily wrote:Update: I'm pretty tired of people asking how long DH has. His step dad and his wife have been an honest to goodness God Send and, I love them and am grateful for everything they've been doing to help out. The step dad crossed a line yesterday giving me a lecture on DH not being left alone with the kids anymore reading me the riot act as if I don't know this already. I said as much. His wife has been off work this whole week and been at my house in the morning every day, the kids go back to school after labor day and my dad is already on board to get them up and around for school and I beast the bus home so...

I can't say really how DH is faring... ok/ not ok, he declined some for 4 or 5 days but chalked it up to the morphine hospice had him on while waiting for the oxy to come through. He's not on the blood thinners anymore, they poked him 4 times to try checking his INR as is been to high to give him the warfarin/Coumadin and couldn't get enough of a sample and he said no more needles so now he's on baby aspirin. BP and vitals were good at last check though.

AmyG wrote:I don't know what it's like being in your shoes. I hope to God I never find out.

While I'm so very sorry for your husband, at some point his journey will end but yours and your children's will continue. That breaks my heart. I was terrified of leaving my newborn without a mother. Of my younger kids not remembering their mommy. My husband having to go on without me.

You are living my worst nightmare.

I'm happy to read your updates to know that today wasn't the day, not yet. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it honestly helps me appreciate where I am and what I have. I will carry that with me daily and try to be the very best me I can be.

Mohrfamily wrote:
My sister gave me a book about a woman who battled cancer with joy and one chapter talked about "getting to" ... have chemo... clean up your kids vomit... grocery shop on the busiest day of the week... be the chauffeur to everyone etc. If it's not immediately clear why that resonates just think it over awhile it'll come to you.

ginabeewell wrote:

Mohrfamily wrote:
My sister gave me a book about a woman who battled cancer with joy and one chapter talked about "getting to" ... have chemo... clean up your kids vomit... grocery shop on the busiest day of the week... be the chauffeur to everyone etc. If it's not immediately clear why that resonates just think it over awhile it'll come to you.

I tried (am trying?) this. I've talked about wanting to LOVE my cancer away. I read a book where one patient personified the cancer as a scared lost child and felt it was her job to make the cancer feel safe enough to leave. It seemed like such a peaceful image.

I tried hard not to think of myself as fighting cancer, but man it gets brutal, and I have found it harder and harder not to feel like I'm in a battle. It's just so exhausting and there is so much guilt in feeling like you aren't doing things right - whether that's taking all your pills or eating when it's the last thing you want to do or whatever. Some nights I feel like, I can't, and I don't want to try because trying will only make me feel worse for failing.

I'm wishing your husband peace in his final days, and you as well.