It's with a heavy heart that I come to you all today to tell you my DH has thrown in the towel.
He chose to stop his chemo, his heart rate had been elevated like seeing it best out of his chest and was having literal extreme difficulty breathing last week, on this past Monday he decided to go in for iv fluids for dehydration and never made it past vitals before they sent him ... rather I picked him back up to drive him to the ER. His oxygen level was in the 20s, I never saw it pass 38 and see it dip as low as 18. CT showed blood clots in his lungs and admitted him. After he got to his room and settled I went home to the kiddos and while I was away he signed his hospice papers. He didn't even tell me when i came in the next morning i saw the folder and that he'd signed. He came home Wednesday and Thursday officially signed a DNR.
It's hard, I feel like I'm not emotional enough but at the same time I've had a little over 2 years to prepare i suppose, I don't really have the luxury to fall apart on the kids (6 & almost 9 and a 12 year old step son). The 2 nights DH spent in the hospital the younger kids stayed with my parents so I had 2 nights of quiet reflection, tears, and acceptance. We met with the funeral home today and he picked out everything he wanted. I feel like I'm just kinda rolling along with it. I'd like to think that this will hit me hard when I least expect it, but I'm really not so sure.
I'm not ready for the mourners crowd to parade through, I'm already tired of hearing the standard party line "if you need anything...." etc. My standard reply is about to change to "a million dollars".
Anyway to all of you out there fighting the good long fight, I salute you.
DH dx stage IV liver mets largest 6x6.4 cm
Colonoscopy/endoscopy/port place 5/29
4cm mass in splenic flexure
1st round FolFox 5/30
08/2018 new CT no new lesions, clear lungs, slight decrease in colon.
3/2019 PET scan shows greater than 6-7 liver mets largest measuring 3x3 cm. No growth nothing new.
8/15/19 largest liver lesion 1.9x2.1
9/16/2019 OSU to proceed with surgery implant HAI and colon resection
11/19 resection of colon HAI placed
2/20 CEA back to 1000s, liver worse than when we began-start FOLFIRI