I need emotional help

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Trying
Posts: 240
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

I need emotional help

Postby Trying » Wed Feb 19, 2020 7:50 pm

Since getting news from my dr about never surgery ( I'm getting another opinioln) etc. and growth I am having Massive Panic Attaxks that last hours to where my mom has to look after my boy. I'm on meds for anxiety and depression. I meditate daily. I've gone to councellers and psychiatrists but they make me feel worse. I'm in the darkest blackest hole and cant climb out. Im pulling my mom down too. I see it in her face. I have turned into someone I'm scared to be. And I cant even say oh well it's just anxiety because
I have a reason to be terrified. Please comfort me with words of wisdom or prayer because I'm breaking.
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 year old at the time
April 2018 colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri met. Folfox and 12 rounds oxyplatin
Fec 2018 Down to 2 mets in liver. 8 dissapeared
July 2019 switched to xeloda pills as I prefer to 3 day infusion. Also on avistan
Oct 2019 emergency colostomy due to perforated bowel. ( unreal pain)
Feb 2020 show 2mm tumor increase.
Plan to go back on oxy

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 10179
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby CRguy » Thu Feb 20, 2020 12:14 am

Please check out this topic If you want prayer stop in here!
as we have always had some very strong prayer warriors on board !

We will all be here to support you in what you are DOING
Yes you are Trying ... BUTT it seems to me that you are in fact DOING :
- getting second opinion
- addressing anxiety and depression with meds and talking to people
- meditation

This always reminds me of an old movie quote from Star Wars
" Do or do not ... there is no try" - Master Yoda
so while your name here may be trying
in fact you ARE DOING !

Many of us have been to counsellors / psyhchologists etc. and my experience is that they are not one size fits all
DO keep looking for another one ... there can be someone who does connect with you
DO keep talking with us here ... we do understand what it can be like ... you are not alone
DO keep connected with your support base / your mom
DO ask for help and support ... too many of us shut ourselves off
DO your meditations with intention ... I don't know if you use focused visualizations or just breathing relaxation types ???
I have done both and each has its own rewards

Do keep on... keeping on
It may sound trite... BUTT sometimes it really is just one step at a time
one foot ahead of the other and a marathon, not a sprint.

" A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step " - Lao Tzu

DO keep taking those single steps
Let us walk those thousand miles

In Harmony with you on the Journey
CRguy
Caregiver x 4
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
13 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

Leeloo
Posts: 58
Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2014 5:02 pm
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, UK

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Leeloo » Thu Feb 20, 2020 3:03 am

Hi Trying
I’m not in the states so I’m sending you hugs across the miles.
Anxiety and depression are big black clouds that make it hard to find any joy, or see any warm white light.

This site used to talk about swinging chickens. I had to google to them to see what people were talking about. No big words of wisdom, just the distraction of watching happy chickens swinging! Weird and oh so wonderful for a moment in the nighttime when the real world got to much.

So no words of wisdom, just wishing you moments, and minutes of distraction and joy in small things.

Leeloo
(R) hemicolectomy 13/08/13
Stage IIB T4N0(0/6)M0
Xelox x 4 (Scot trial)
NED

Claudine
Posts: 385
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2019 2:41 pm
Location: Montana

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Claudine » Thu Feb 20, 2020 11:04 am

Trying, first - it's OK and normal and understandable to be depressed and have anxiety and panic attacks in your situation! Try not to add blame to this. I understand that it is hard for you to feel like you're dragging your mother down - my husband feels the same thing towards me. I don't know where you are, but here there are group meetings/therapy/support for those who are helping a loved one in their fight against cancer, so maybe that's something your mother could look into.
Second - like CR Guy said, you are being very proactive about this, and about treatment, so pat yourself on the back! Have you looked into medical marijuana? It may not help you, and you may not be interested (for personal reasons), but it does help some people with anxiety, panic attacks, etc.
Sending many thoughts your way XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Wife of Dx 04/18 (51 yo). MSS, KRAS G12A
No primary (involuted?)
Lytic tumor L4 vertebrae, EBRT 04/18, SBRT 02/19
Resect small intestine 05/18 (no cancer - Crohn's)
Failed adjuvant Xelox
Folfiri + Avastin 03/19 to 01/20
6.7 cm left adrenal mass 03/19, successful resection 02/20
CEA since 03/19: high 58, low 3.2, now 4.4
Scan 03/19: Multiple small lung nodules up to 5mm
Scan 12/19: one 1mm stable nodule
PET 04/20 uptake by L4
L3-L4-L5 fusion surgery and residual tumor removal 05/20

Trying
Posts: 240
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Trying » Thu Feb 20, 2020 12:03 pm

Thank you guys
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 year old at the time
April 2018 colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri met. Folfox and 12 rounds oxyplatin
Fec 2018 Down to 2 mets in liver. 8 dissapeared
July 2019 switched to xeloda pills as I prefer to 3 day infusion. Also on avistan
Oct 2019 emergency colostomy due to perforated bowel. ( unreal pain)
Feb 2020 show 2mm tumor increase.
Plan to go back on oxy

Butt
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:48 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Butt » Fri Feb 21, 2020 11:42 pm

I am stage 4 , PSTD with no family support in this country. .....

Trying
Posts: 240
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Trying » Sat Feb 22, 2020 8:21 pm

That's hard. Msg me if you ever want to talk.
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 year old at the time
April 2018 colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri met. Folfox and 12 rounds oxyplatin
Fec 2018 Down to 2 mets in liver. 8 dissapeared
July 2019 switched to xeloda pills as I prefer to 3 day infusion. Also on avistan
Oct 2019 emergency colostomy due to perforated bowel. ( unreal pain)
Feb 2020 show 2mm tumor increase.
Plan to go back on oxy

Lee
Posts: 6051
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Lee » Sat Feb 22, 2020 11:39 pm

Butt wrote:I am stage 4 , PSTD with no family support in this country. .....


Butt, KNOW that you are NEVER alone here. Please know that you can vent here. If there is anything we can do, please let us know.

(((Trying))) you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 16 years and counting!

Trying
Posts: 240
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Trying » Sun Feb 23, 2020 9:57 am

Thank you so much Lee. You are always so kind.

Nicole
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 year old at the time
April 2018 colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri met. Folfox and 12 rounds oxyplatin
Fec 2018 Down to 2 mets in liver. 8 dissapeared
July 2019 switched to xeloda pills as I prefer to 3 day infusion. Also on avistan
Oct 2019 emergency colostomy due to perforated bowel. ( unreal pain)
Feb 2020 show 2mm tumor increase.
Plan to go back on oxy

Detox
Posts: 56
Joined: Fri Apr 28, 2017 5:27 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Detox » Sun Feb 23, 2020 4:58 pm

I've seen patients here who went back on treatment the second time and had just as good if not a better response after taking a break, so I'm confident this will be you too.

Also hoping you can find a surgeon who will be more aggressive regarding your liver surgery.

Lee
Posts: 6051
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Lee » Sun Feb 23, 2020 11:29 pm

Trying wrote:Thank you so much Lee. You are always so kind.

Nicole


Hi Nicole,

I (we) do have your back here. There is a community here that has/is walking in your shoes. We do get it here.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 16 years and counting!

michelle c
Posts: 1898
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:58 am

Re: I need emotional help

Postby michelle c » Mon Feb 24, 2020 1:35 am

I hope that you get a second opinion very soon. Being told that our cancer has come back or that it’s growing must be devastating. A friend of mine is living through this but hers is renal cancer that has metastasised to her lungs. She is so courageous and living her life to the full - I am in awe of her as she remains so positive. I’m not sure that I could be like that. I think that it’s best to have some structure and things to do during the day to keep yourself occupied and distracted from those dark thoughts that torment and terrify you. Maybe look for another counsellor if the one you have is not helping. We are always here for you and vent away here anytime. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Try and hang in there xx
25 May 09 Dx with CC (sigmoid colon) 2 days after my 44th b'day
CEA prior to surgery 4.7
3 Jun 09 LAR - Stage III 3/10 lymph nodes
6 Jul - 10 Dec 09 12 cycles FOLFIRI
Genetic testing - inconclusive for Lynch
Jul 12 port removed & hernia repair

SheriG
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2020 9:57 am
Facebook Username: sheri.goddard.756
Location: Dallas
Contact:

Re: I need emotional help

Postby SheriG » Mon Feb 24, 2020 3:54 am

Hello! I hope you get a different opinion. Depression and Anxiety can be reflected not only in our well-being, but also in our family. I understand how difficult it is to deal with it, but everything will be fine. Try to get distracted. Good luck!

Trying
Posts: 240
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 10:11 pm

Re: I need emotional help

Postby Trying » Sat Feb 29, 2020 12:04 pm

Thank you all!
38 yr old single mom of almost 2 year old at the time
April 2018 colon cancer stage IV 10 liver mets and peri met. Folfox and 12 rounds oxyplatin
Fec 2018 Down to 2 mets in liver. 8 dissapeared
July 2019 switched to xeloda pills as I prefer to 3 day infusion. Also on avistan
Oct 2019 emergency colostomy due to perforated bowel. ( unreal pain)
Feb 2020 show 2mm tumor increase.
Plan to go back on oxy


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