welcome! im new here as well just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer im 39 well 40 next week and i have a 7 year old daughter. you are normal for going through all the emotional stuff, if you need to cry do it, if you need to kick the wall, do that as well. i was just diagnosed in june so i have had 3 months to cry, be mad, and have a pity party for myself. now i am back to my normal obnoxiuos self and i decided this crap is not going to beat me down and i have to fight with all i have mainly for my child. i find that keeping things as normal in your life as possible helps, i know going through chemo you have and will have days when you feel like crap and the days when i have an infusion pump connected to me like a big pimple reminds me of my cancer, but when it is removed and the 10 days i am off chemo i don't think about it much i just continue to do my normal routine i have also 3 horses, 2 dogs, and 5 cats to take care of so i keep pretty busy. my point to all this is try to do your normal routine. also eating is very important if you can't stomach foods try nutritional drinks like boost or ensure, you have to keep up your strength, try to get out and take walks for 30 minutes a day for some exercise and some fresh air you will feel better, also everyother week i go for a full body massage and that really helps. i know it is hard at 1st everyone is in shock when they are diagnosed with cancer, but if you go through the posts on the board here and read peoples stories you will see this disease is very treatable and survivable. there are a few here who have lived with and survived stage 4 disease which is considered by some as terminal and incurable but you can see on this board many survivors of all stages of colon and rectal cancers so try not to be discouraged and do as much research as you can. alot of doctors have a one sided view of cancers and do not even mention things that can be helpful so please do research on your disease and if needed get 2, 3, or how ever many opinions from different doctors to establish the right treatment. my 1st onco visit was awfull i was told i had 1 year to live with no treatment and 2 years with treatment which was false. i have had 4 chemos had a cat scan friday 1 of my liver lesions is gone the other 2 shrunk to almost nothing now sugery to remove what is left of cancer on my liver should if not cure me beat it back for a while and this happened with only 4 chemo treatments so anything is possible. this is a great place to ask questions or just vent if you have too. alot of people on this board have helped and encouraged me tremendously and i hope you will find the same thing here as i have because you are not alone there are many of us fighting cancer.