Today was very very hard. Roxy was our last furbaby and I know that I just can't do this again. Hubby and I came home and cleaned up everything. Roxy had four beds....in various rooms. All of the blankets...and so much other stuff is now in a box my office chair came in (and all of it doesn't even fit!) and we will be donating it to a local rescue. Hopefully some needy furbabies will put it to much use. It's NEVER easy to put your pups down but this one was, by far, the hardest. There are no more little ones at home....the house is empty and quiet.
I know we did the right thing but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. Our vet told us that Roxy had to be in discomfort from the vaginal tumor if nothing else. Even though I know that everything he said is true and that sooner or later this day would come, it still didn't make me feel any better about the decision. However, just a few minutes ago, Jeff came in and told me that he had finished scooping up poops in the back yard and that Roxy's last poop was BLACK. Unless I'm wrong, that's a sign of some sort of bleeding in her GI tract which makes me think that that nasty vaginal tumor broke through the rectum somewhere. It would explain a lot of things about her BMs in the last few days/week.
I HATE cancer. I couldn't stop it from attacking Roxy but I sure could stop IT from hurting her anymore. In some small way (assuming I'm right), the fact that I think her GI /rectum was somehow involved makes me feel that the decision WAS the right one and that we did it at the right time. I'm really not sure how much longer she would have had before it would have been horrific.
Roxy is now in Heaven with her sister Lesley....likely pestering her but getting Lesley to chase and romp in the green grasses that I am certain abound there. RIP my sweet Roxy. Mommy and Daddy love and miss you.
Dx 6/22/2006 IIA rectal cancer
6 wks rad/Xeloda -finished 9/06
1st attempt transanal excision 11/06
11/17/06 XELOX 1 cycle
5 months Xeloda only Dec '06 - April '07
10+ blood clots, 1 DVT 1/07
transanal excision 4/20/07 path-NO CANCER CELLS!
NED now and forever!
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