hopie wrote:I'm not the one who has cancer, but it doesn't change the fact that this is the worst and harder thing I've ever had to face. And this is not necessarily "making it about me," it is just a fact.
I also didn't see the original post, but I'm a caregiver to my husband and this statement really struck a chord. I was living that nightmare and couldn't understand how my pain could be as bad as his. I even made posts here agonizing over how much I was suffering mentally and felt like what I was feeling wasn't valid because I'm "just the caregiver". Even now that he's out of treatment I gloss over with friends and family, minimize my part in all of it because he was the one with cancer. So when my Grandma acknowledged how hard it must have been for me I nearly broke down crying.
As a caregiver I'm very involved, but that's our dynamic. John just took everything in stride, never asked a question and went through the motions. I went to every appointment because I
was the one learning the terms, asking the questions, and managing his care at home. Maybe it would have been different if our Oncologist was easier to reach, but if John comes home with at best
a summary of what was discussed with no real details and I have a question it most likely won't get fully answered until the next appointment. So for my own sanity I went (and still go) to every appointment and he welcomes me. I don't dictate for him or try to get between him and his doctors, I stand beside him to help hold him up.