I just had my first scan since liver resection and sbrt to get rid of liver mets. MRI. It shouldn't be a big deal. I expect all to be clear! But last time I had a scan - after being staged 3b and completing mop-up chemo - mets were found in my liver! Stage 4! It was like a kick in the gut!
So of course now I'm feeling worried, concerned, anxious ..... My course of treatment has not been difficult (surgeries, folfiri, avastin), the side effects minimal, and the surgeries fairly simple and straight forward. It has felt too easy. Is the other shoe going to drop?
After the last scan I had 6 rounds of folfiri + avastin which only kept the mets stable. Then liver resection. Then sbrt. Tuesday I begin 6 rounds of mop-up chemo with folfox. As an instrumentalist (musician) I'm worried about the possibility of neuropathy. How will I be impacted?
I think this may be the hardest thing about cancer - the uncertainty. There are very seldom answers. Only more questions. Is it going to come back? Where will it come back? How is the treatment going to feel? What's next? How much time do I have to enjoy all that is my life? All I know is that I just take each day as it comes and deal as best as I can. And hope that I feel well enough and live long enough to know my grandsons, including #3 who is due to be born this Thursday!
Thanks for letting me dump this here. It's nice to have a place to blow off steam (and uncertainty) without having to burden family with it.