We Still Need to Laugh Resumed : 2019

[Maggie Nell]

***Poonami Alert***

[Maggie Nell]

[Lee]

***Poonami Alert***

Nothing like being out in a public restaurant, showing people some of these pictures, laughing so hard you are crying.

Totally AWESOME

Lee

[Maggie Nell]

[Maggie Nell]

[Maggie Nell]

[Maggie Nell]

Hear ye, hear ye—there are just four episodes of Game of Thrones left, and the race to take the Iron Throne is heating up.
But who will end up in the hot seat come the finale?

[Utwo]

https://driving.ca/ford/f-150/auto-news/news/saskatchewan-man-denied-vanity-plate-turns-tailgate-into-assman-billboard
Saskatchewan man denied vanity plate turns tailgate into ‘ASSMAN’ billboard

"David Assman (apparently it’s pronounced OSS-man) of Melville, Saskatchewan attempted to register a custom ‘ASSMAN’ plate but was denied by the province for its inclusion of the word ASS, which contravenes its ministry’s rules."

[Maggie Nell]

[Maggie Nell]

Last month came news that Houdini's New York brownstone had sold.
This is the first time the house has changed hands in 27 years. [...]

Over the past year, Houdini fans everywhere held their collective breaths.
Who would buy the house and what would they do with it? [...]

As for any ghosts, well, the wife is a cancer immunology researcher and she says,

"The only supernatural forces I believe in is the magic of the immune system making cancer disappear."

https://www.wildabouthoudini.com/2018/0 ... rving.html

[Maggie Nell]

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[Maggie Nell]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

------------------------
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[macpudd]

What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a present?
Thanks I'll never part with it.


Hear about the new restauraunt called Karma.
Theres no menu but you get what you deserve.

Got my adult daughter a fridge for her birthday.
Cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

[Maggie Nell]

[Maggie Nell]