Hello everyone,
Am new to the forum and so glad to have found this place ! So grateful to everyone who shared their experiences and resources on this forum ! I got diagnosed with rectal cancer 2 months ago and feeling really anxious about all that is going to be unfold - surgery, stoma bag, reversal complications, LARS etc...
I just completed the neoadjuvant chemoradiation course and now awaiting doctor's recommendation for next steps forward. It's either surgery or a WW option. Fingers crossed ! I feel like one of the lucky ones having a supportive healthcare team and easy access to medical facilities. I had very little side effects of my chemoradiation treatment phase, no pain experienced as yet and now simply awaiting for doctor's recommendation for next steps. My husband and my family have been nothing but supportive. In the grand scheme of things, I should really be counting my lucky stars right ?
On the down side of things, I have been experiencing some terrible and erratic mood swings for the past few weeks with some really dire thoughts and outlook of my future. There were times when I would lash out at my husband for no reason or break down in tears in the middle of a conversation. I can't quite concentrate while at work and feeling like a failure in every aspect of my life at the moment. My self-esteem has taken a hit and it feels like I'm just not doing anything right. On some days, I just want to hole up myself and not interested in talking to anyone.
My husband has been a rock and tries to be as supportive as he can be and I think it's unfair on him to have to shoulder all my emotional break down. After the lashing out, I often feel worse and guilty for doing that to him !
Seeing as it's only 2 months since my diagnosis, we still have a long way to fight this together. I foresee the erratic mood swings are going to put an additional strain onto the relationship and I want to be pro-active in seeking some solutions before it gets any worse.
Hence I'm looking to seek out a psychologist / therapist to help manage the situation and wonder if anyone has done the same ? How does one deal with the emotional side of things with the complications of rectal cancer ? How does one go about seeking a trusted psychologist ? I have never seek one out before. I don't know if I should speak to my colorectal doctor about this seeing as it's just all moods, feelings and emotions and the last thing I want is to be brushed away.
Just the thought of the stoma bag is enough to bring me to tears ! Oh..the indignity of it ! And what happens if complication sets in during surgery ? When the mop-up chemo sets in, how will I get to work and stay on top of the game ? Radiation to my pelvic area means my ovaries are basically toasted and while we never quite wanted kids, the idea of that choice taken away from me sucks and it's doing my head in. Early menopausal is also predicted and at a fairly young age of 40+ , I will be experiencing menopause 10 years ahead of peers my own age.
Any advise and thoughts would be greatly appreciated !