Managing erractic mood swings. Is psychologist the answer ?

[CAGirl]

Hey Jolene,
I have a few years on you, but my "perimenopause" is basically just manifesting itself like a missed period here and there, which may even last for a couple of years, I hear. Don't let doctors blow off your concerns, but I also wouldn't assume that the day you end chemo you'll start having night sweats and major hormonal woes. I think the early stage of menopause can last a while. I think it differs woman to woman, but it hasn't been a concern for me. I'm almost 1 1/2 years out from chemo.

[Maggie Nell]

Jolene,

I can remember how reluctant I was to make my first appointment with a psychologist - all the
way back in 1988 when I was 27 years of age. There was a definite anti-therapy culture then, an
ingrained belief that you don't go outside of your circle of friends/family or that you should just
suck it up and cope, or bury yourself in work, do volunteer work, get over it or turn to the Lord.

That sort of hurdle gets handed down from one generation to another and when your usual ways
of dealing aren't cutting the mustard for you, or you sense that an ounce of prevention is worth a
pound of cure: it may be an idea to unpack any messages you've received that are making you a bit 'iffy'
about stepping on this path of self-compassion and self-care.

Life Coaches are everywhere now and there are Cancer Coaches as well. I sometimes wonder if
people get an impression about therapy from Woody Allen movies or The Sopranos that isn't
helpful....

Maggie

[DBF]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I also could have written this post, and did actually write a similar one way back when on this board. Around that time I went on Celexa, and it did wonders to stabilize my mood. I’ve also felt therapy was helpful now and then, but the medication helped the most with situational depression and mood swings.

I also agree with Karen about the effects of corticosteroids. (Hi Karen! It’s always nice to see you on here. )

Definitely speak up to your doctor. Hope you feel better soon.

Best,
Donna

[Jolene]

Hey Jolene,
I have a few years on you, but my "perimenopause" is basically just manifesting itself like a missed period here and there, which may even last for a couple of years, I hear. Don't let doctors blow off your concerns, but I also wouldn't assume that the day you end chemo you'll start having night sweats and major hormonal woes. I think the early stage of menopause can last a while. I think it differs woman to woman, but it hasn't been a concern for me. I'm almost 1 1/2 years out from chemo.

Hi CAGirl,

Thanks for the response ! I have already missed my very first period since chemoradiation ended and I'm the kind who hardly miss a period. It sucks to be reminded of my ovaries being toasted even though I never quite intended to have kids. Glad to know it hasn't been a concern for you !

This early menopausal thing was a bit of a commotion with all the doctors before I underwent radiation. The docs were concerned about the osteoporosis setting in with the onset of early menopause. Now that I'm done with the chemoradiation, the same doc said "but....what do you want to manage?" when I asked if there's anything that I can do about the onset of it.

Just feel like screaming out loud to them - should I be concerned or should I not give a f about it ? I mean just about every other older women have experienced menopause and mine's just 8-10 years earlier. I guess I'll just take the latter option and take it one step at a time. Thanks again for listening.

[Jolene]

Jolene,

I can remember how reluctant I was to make my first appointment with a psychologist - all the
way back in 1988 when I was 27 years of age. There was a definite anti-therapy culture then, an
ingrained belief that you don't go outside of your circle of friends/family or that you should just
suck it up and cope, or bury yourself in work, do volunteer work, get over it or turn to the Lord.

That sort of hurdle gets handed down from one generation to another and when your usual ways
of dealing aren't cutting the mustard for you, or you sense that an ounce of prevention is worth a
pound of cure: it may be an idea to unpack any messages you've received that are making you a bit 'iffy'
about stepping on this path of self-compassion and self-care.

Life Coaches are everywhere now and there are Cancer Coaches as well. I sometimes wonder if
people get an impression about therapy from Woody Allen movies or The Sopranos that isn't
helpful....

Maggie

Thanks for your message Maggie. It would definitely be anti-therapy back in 1998 where I come from too. These days, it's so much more acceptable and I like to think I'm progressive enough to know when I should seek help but oh man... walking the talk and having to approach someone yourself is just so tough. It was like WHERE DO I START without feeling awkward about it !?!

Anyway, I finally got up on my arse and drag myself to the GP (general practitioner) just yesterday to inquire about the standard procedure of seeking one instead of me randomly looking up at Dr Google for everything. The GP has advised that my best bet is to start with a psychiatrist first as they are medically qualified to make a diagnosis and therefore easier to make any insurance claims if it comes to it. Psychologists are para-medical and may present problems when making insurance claims as they are not medically trained from our insurance perspective (at least where I am from). Saying that the psychologists work together with the psychiatrists as a team but any claims that comes endorsed from a psychiatrist will go down better with the insurance provider. (Just sharing with everyone here...!) The GP also mentioned that my oncologist may be in a better position to recommend someone as they would have experiences in dealing with so many different cancer patients in need of different emotional help. However, as mentioned earlier in a prior post my oncologist is a man and I feel super awkward having to addressed my emotional needs with another man - my husband said he would help do it on my behalf. So let's see how this roll..........

Lol @ Woody Allen and The Sopranos reference. Funny you should mention that because my husband actually did mention Woody Allen when I brought up the issue of seeking out a therapist. Lol ! However, he was also supportive for me in looking for a credible and reliable one.

[Jolene]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I also could have written this post, and did actually write a similar one way back when on this board. Around that time I went on Celexa, and it did wonders to stabilize my mood. I’ve also felt therapy was helpful now and then, but the medication helped the most with situational depression and mood swings.

I also agree with Karen about the effects of corticosteroids. (Hi Karen! It’s always nice to see you on here. )

Definitely speak up to your doctor. Hope you feel better soon.

Best,
Donna

Thanks for sharing DBF !! More encouragement for me to go seek help !!!

My mood fluctuates like crazy at the moment. I can be feeling happy and grateful one day and then spiral into huge break down on other days. On days when I'm feeling grateful I would feel perfectly fine and that I was sure I do not need any help, and then on day when I break down I was sure that I'm gonna need help and that I'm in total depression.... and the cycle repeats.

Anyway... have dragged myself to the GP to inquire about the procedure. Let's see how it goes !

[Jolene]

***Update***

I discovered a non-profit cancer rehabilitation center by chance in my area. Approached them this morning at the center and albeit they cater mostly to those in recovery hence called a rehabilitation center, the manager was kind enough to put me forward to one of their counselor.

I received a call in the evening from one of their counselors. We spoke briefly on what sort of counseling I'm looking for and we have arranged to meet on Thursday ! Yay !!!! Progress !!!

Both the center manager and counselor were surprised by how pro-active I was in wanting to find out options in managing my own emotion as well as that of my husband's (caregiver).

I guessed having a mum who had colon cancer 2 years ago gave me a really good idea of the emotional stuff that my husband and I will come face to face with in the event I have to undergo surgery and the final inevitable chemo period !

I also met up with an old friend for coffee whom I haven't caught up with in a while, forced myself to meet up another good friend ex-colleague. It feels good to be getting out meeting people and keeping myself occupied.

While I need my own time to deal with the situation, I also realised I cannot be left alone on my own for too many days consecutively, that's when dire thoughts start to set in so I guess I just have to keep finding things to do and places to go on days when I have to be on my own !

I work full-time but a lot of my work can be done from home which prevents me from having a typical 8-5 routine. It's a great position to be in on most occasions but sucks when you are down with cancer ! Anyway, in the grand scheme of things I still count my blessings.

[melissadc76]

Anyway, I finally got up on my arse and drag myself to the GP (general practitioner) just yesterday to inquire about the standard procedure of seeking one instead of me randomly looking up at Dr Google for everything. The GP has advised that my best bet is to start with a psychiatrist first as they are medically qualified to make a diagnosis and therefore easier to make any insurance claims if it comes to it. Psychologists are para-medical and may present problems when making insurance claims as they are not medically trained from our insurance perspective (at least where I am from). Saying that the psychologists work together with the psychiatrists as a team but any claims that comes endorsed from a psychiatrist will go down better with the insurance provider. (Just sharing with everyone here...!) The GP also mentioned that my oncologist may be in a better position to recommend someone as they would have experiences in dealing with so many different cancer patients in need of different emotional help. However, as mentioned earlier in a prior post my oncologist is a man and I feel super awkward having to addressed my emotional needs with another man - my husband said he would help do it on my behalf. So let's see how this roll..........

So I'm a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. It sounds like you found what you need, but I wanted to just add my 2 cents. If it were me, (and very often it is me!), I would just go to a counselor. There is no shame in needing support, everyone needs support at one time or another. It's just part of the human condition. The name "counselor" can describe all different types of people, so look for licensure. In my state, to have a license you have to have a Master's degree, then you can become a Licensed Professional Counselor. Then, you can add a "C" if you get 2 years and 2000 hours of supervised experience.

By that time, most counselors should have a pretty good idea on how to support you emotionally, how to help you express your emotions. Most states (although not all) have 2 tiers of licensure.

Counselors bill insurance for psychotherapy. We are definitely qualified for psychodiagnosis. (We do keep physicians and PA's on hand to diagnose things like fetal alcohol issues, that are truly medical but also behavioral) I accept many different forms of insurances, EAP's, even Medicaid. If someone doesn't have insurance, (I work only with patients eligible for Indian Health) or is not eligible for services, I always make it a point to know of resources that might help them. Counseling is generally available to people who need it. Some counselors offer pro bono appointments on a limited basis. We have 2 psychiatrists and 1 psychologist. Everywhere I've worked (and that's mostly in rural Idaho, so take it for what its worth) I refer to our psychiatrists if they need meds. I've never worked with a psychiatrist who does therapy- wait, we have one who tries, only because his patients frequently no-show because he's a bit arrogant and condescending/which doesn't fly well with our population, but that's another story for another day. I generally refer to our psychologist for psychological testing, like learning disabilities or traumatic brain injuries, reactive attachment issues, etc. Or if I need a diagnosis clarified. I've never worked with a psychologist who does therapy, but they are not uncommon.

I'm so happy you found someone to help and support you. Not all counselors use the same approach and not all personalities will fit yours. Don't be afraid to move on if it isn't a good fit. Let them explain how the process works and how they plan to help you. They should be helping you gain skills or tools to help you manage your own emotions.

And one word about life coaches, who I know are lovely people, for the most part. Where I come from, they are not required to be licensed, supervised, receive education or anything like that. They are not able to bill for insurance, nor do they have a licensing board where you can seek relief if you have been treated unethically or been harmed by their work, which does, unfortunately happen.

Melissa

[Jolene]

.........I'm so happy you found someone to help and support you. Not all counselors use the same approach and not all personalities will fit yours. Don't be afraid to move on if it isn't a good fit. Let them explain how the process works and how they plan to help you. They should be helping you gain skills or tools to help you manage your own emotions.

And one word about life coaches, who I know are lovely people, for the most part. Where I come from, they are not required to be licensed, supervised, receive education or anything like that. They are not able to bill for insurance, nor do they have a licensing board where you can seek relief if you have been treated unethically or been harmed by their work, which does, unfortunately happen.

Melissa

Hi Melissa - Thank you for your response. Unfortunately I'm not in the US and am in another part of the world where I just realised counseling and any form psychotherapy is not claimable. There is a section that mentioned psychiatry but only for in-hospital treatment which is a whole other level of treatment if one has to be admitted into a hospital.

Nevertheless, thank you for listing out the difference between all the various designation names and highlighting "life coaches" beware. I've learned quite a bit from the reading you have listed out.

As mentioned in my update, I eventually went to see a counsellor from a NGO cancer organization just a couple of days ago and I'm already feeling so much better ! It's amazing how speaking to someone trained make a world of a difference. She was able to guide me into narrowing where my concerns actually lies and helped me refocused on ways to cope with what exactly bothers me. Pinpointing the issue amidst the layers of information was a relief for me as I felt like I now have a logical line of thought to manage my own emotions now.

It was my first time speaking to a stranger so deeply about my emotions and I'm glad I took a pro-active step. I have stopped breaking down over the last 2 days so I think that's huge progress for me. I have also managed to pick myself up slowly and started getting interested in work again. I will be seeing her again after seeing my doctor on the decision of my surgery which is going to be huge for me.

Thank you again and thank you to all who responded and listened. This board is a saviour !!

[LPL]

Jolene, that sounds wonderful!!

[Jolene]

Jolene, that sounds wonderful!!

Thank you !

Another update to all - got triggered by an annoying relative just yesterday who claimed that my short temper and high stress lifestyle could have contributed to my cancer situation. She mentioned it in a most condescending manner and it got to me !

Must stay strong !!!!

[LPL]

Jolene, that sounds wonderful!!

Thank you !

Another update to all - got triggered by an annoying relative just yesterday who claimed that my short temper and high stress lifestyle could have contributed to my cancer situation. She mentioned it in a most condescending manner and it got to me !

Must stay strong !!!!

I want to write: tell her to fxxx oxx but I should not be rude.. Please stay away from people who are trying to blame you for getting cancer. It is not your fault!!!

[Maggie Nell]

Thank you !

Another update to all - got triggered by an annoying relative just yesterday who claimed that my short temper and high stress lifestyle could have contributed to my cancer situation. She mentioned it in a most condescending manner and it got to me !

Must stay strong !!!!

Awesome! There's always someone who has read Louise Hay's "Heal Your Life'" and fried their brain cells. A good smack upside the
head should restore her fact-ory setting or you could give her a sporting chance with a 50 metre head start.

[Jolene]

Hello all - just thought of reviving this thread which I started months back and perhaps discuss about the psychological impact of cancer on us and those around us.

I noted that I started this thread back in Jan 2019, so it's about 3 months back but felt like a life time with all that had gone on over the last 3 months. The wait, the medical checks, the suspense, the anxiety of the future etc...

To date, I have seen my counsellor for about 4 times and my next appointment would be to go see her together with my husband for couple counselling. Having diagnosed with cancer had definitely taken a toll on our relationship.

While I had greatly benefited from the counselling over the last few months, my husband is still bearing the brunt of my anxiety and nervousness. I am feeling much better these days than when I was first diagnosed but it didn't necessary means I made it better for those around me.

When the mood swings in unfavourable ways, I say hurtful things to him that I know I shouldn't and often regret the next day. I would often apologized and I know it's not great being in his position at all. I am also aware that this cannot be the way forward as every human has their own threshold of how much they can take from their partner - cancer or no cancer.

We came to the realization that my cancer diagnosis has opened up old wounds and grudges but in a way that it forces the both of us to deal with difficult couple issues that we would have normally brushed under the carpet. I'm hoping that the couple counselling can help us move forward better.

I'm interested to hear about how others out there have dealt with the psychological impact of their journey with oneself and with those around you.

[radnyc]

Absolutely!