I'm not the one who goes through it, it's my mom, so my experience is by proxy, but some days are good and some are not. I'm sorry today's not a good day. But it's okay. At least that is what I try to tell my mom: it is okay to be scared, terrified, mad, angry, shocked and whatever it is that she's feeling at the moment. I try to make sure that she doesn't feel obligated to put a strong representation for me or anyone else and I'll tell you the same. When she feels uncertain, which means pessimist for her, I try to talk to her about what I've learned about the disease.
I've done a crazy amount of research, I'm used to reading 600+ pages a day, and right now, all of my energy goes to reading about colon cancer. At first, I googled things too, big mistake.<<<Not because google will tell you things that will put you down.>>> Because, first, I think it is ok to feel bad if the circumstances deem it understandable. But more importantly, google results do not yield actual, up-to-date research outcomes. And most of the results contradict; EVEN scientific journal articles have terribly contradicting results due to bad methodology. So, my take away from all the research I've been doing is to take everything I read with a grain of salt. I think it makes perfect sense that you want to do some research, it definitely gave me a sense of control. But there are lots of factors. The more I read, the more I realized that there are lots of paths to go. So chemo didn't work? We'll try the second line! That didn't work either? We'll experiment with targeted therapy.
I'm not the one going through this so I definitely do not want to imply that I understand what you're going through, but I'm a huge mommy's girl--always have been--and what helped me not lose my mind (which I was really close to) was to understand that this is not a simple equation. There are lots of paths, possibilities, and hope.
I think seeing someone is a great idea, but also please accept help from people around you as well. I wish mom would walk around making demands. I'm pretty sure it holds true for people around her too, everybody around my mom is concerned and it helps them helping her. I hope tomorrow's a better day, but in case it's not, it's okay, and I'm happy to talk to you whenever you need it!
Caregiver to my super-mom (62), diagnosed Dec 2018
Sigmoid colon, Stage IV
G3, Poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma (5,5 x 4 x 1 cm)
13 positive out of 23 lymph nodes, largest one 1,8 cm
4(?) mets in liver, located at Segment 3 & 7, largest one 2 cm
LVI & PNI present
Clear surgical margins
MSS, KRAS G13D mutant
Laparoscopic anterior resection, Jan 2019
First chemo 11 Feb 2019 (Folfox). 25/2/19 Folfox + Avastin.