brokenwings wrote:From a subjective point of view... I'm shattered into pieces... Like sooo many of you, I'm well under 50 years old, I didn't have any symptoms, not a smoker, not even a drinker !
I have a permanent feeling, like Death were breathing just upon my shoulder... I saw the stats on the internet, I read the In Memoriam here.... I can't fight back... I'm just trying not to drown in my own ocean of tears... I've got nothing to hang on to, like, "Oh, it's not so bad, it's stage I" or "Oh, it's not so bad, 80% of people with you condition make it for at least 5 years" or " Oh, it's not so bad, this type of cancer never metastasizes." And then there's this stupid peritoneal carcinomatosis, which won't go away with normal chemo.... "And it's a factor of poor prognosis in patients with colon cancer".
Why ? Why is this happening to me ? Where did I go wrong ? Why am I counting at age 37 how many years I still have ahead of me ? Why are we all going through this ? What have we done to desserve it ?
I admire you Americans so much... you're so brave, so restless, such warriors... This is why I'm writing in an American forum... Although, my attitude right now is just the opposite... I feel like a little girl having a nightmare and desperately looking for Mum to reassure me, to tell me: "Go back to sleep, baby, it was just a bad dream".
I'm sorry for all my negative thoughts... I'm just trying not to drown....
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