ginabeewell wrote:Well, Dr Kemeny had a last minute change of heart and pulled the Vectibix. I wondered aloud to my local oncologist and got the sense that she didn’t know either, her theory on it didn’t make sense (unless it was a change in strategy due to Covid and no longer wanting to pursue super aggressive treatment for smallish lesions?).
At any rate, I found the Vectibix rash BY FAR the worst side effect to date, so that news came as a relief.
I’ve thought a lot about why this recurrence is so emotionally deflating (other than the obvious). When I decided to keep working in the wake of my initial diagnosis, I got the feeling that if I recurred, THAT would be the time to quit because it would be a sign that I wouldn’t make it.
My therapist has warned me a few times of our brain trying to make sense of something so as to regain control. And I think that’s what I kind of tried to do - tell myself I would know what would happen if X happened.
The truth is that nobody knows what will happen. And my dominant emotion in the wake of the news wasn’t dread that this is going to kill me - just lots of sad that I have to get through it.
Yay on pulling the Vectibix!
Most likely her decision was based on how aggressive she thinks the recurrence is PLUS the added risk of Covid. So putting you on just Folfiri is a good sign!
(sigh) The control issue... I've been there. You're right no one knows what will happen. There were times during my treatment that were pretty dark. I'm not sure how I got through them, but part of it was trying not to think too much about what might happen. Occasionally, I pushed Dr K too far and she slapped me down with a "we'll see - just do what I say for now." Just knowing she was never going to give up on me and was willing to fight like hell for me make it easier to turn my worries over to her. A few Ativan before bed helped a lot too!
Let me know how it goes with the RSO and Dex combo.