My CRC with liver mets journey

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Maggie Nell
Posts: 1117
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Maggie Nell » Sat Jun 29, 2019 11:28 pm

The only person who gets to play your cancer card is you.

From the facts that you have outlined here, a few years back, the partner's wife felt frustrated and taken advantage of" and
there was a break then in a marital relationship where one party's "commitment to the company" went over and above the
ethical considerations (don't shit where you eat is how we call it in Aussie) and best friend/partner was "crafty" in delegating
the hot stinking mess to your husband to sort out. The rot set in then.

You, your husband and your family are going through Hell - you don't need people in your life who are continuing to throw you under
the bus for a piece of tail. By the way, what happened to that #metoo employee now? Daresay the wife made sure the intimate
intruder in her marriage was assisted into another sphere of employment quite swiftly...

If your husband is facing an 'unfair dismissal' and boundaries have been blurred for some time, then having
a consult with a solicitor to discuss receiving a generous termination package that reflects the time, commitment and effort your husband
has given to the company is the way to go.

Your cancer card.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
July 2019 : pending liver U/S, colonoscopy
rut roh

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ginabeewell
Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:30 am

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby ginabeewell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 12:28 am

Maggie Nell wrote: a few years back, the partner's wife felt frustrated and taken advantage of"


Actually the boss / friend / partner said in his note this morning that since my diagnosis, he and the other partners have been feeling frustrated and taken advantage of. Presumably, because they have to pick up some slack when my husband takes care of me.

Frustrated? Really?

Yes, I agree this is a very “frustrating” situation. My husband was very “frustrated” when doctors told him his wife had two years to live. But probably not as frustrated as partner is to have to cover casting by himself.

We’ve emailed an attorney already. I’ll probably delete all this detail but need to get it out for now.
Last edited by ginabeewell on Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
45 year old mom of twins (7) and lucky stepmom of 13 and 16 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets (largest 11 cm)
9/20/18 CEA 931
10/1/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix planned 12 rounds
12/12/18 Routine scan showed typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm. Chemo holiday.
12/26/18 CEA 4.6
1/14/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/27/19 Surgery: HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/8/19 Resume chemo (#9-12) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/20/19 CEA 1.3
7/19/18: 1st of 2 liver resections

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1117
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Maggie Nell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 1:01 am

It is disillusioning when long time friends turn out not to be allies and I think you and
your husband have probably cottoned-on to a strategy here : they let you and your family
have that holiday in Sicily before firing this salvo. It's also sad that in recent memory, not that
long ago that women who returned to the workplace after taking maternity leave, would be
covertly shown the door with the 'baby brain/not committed' rationale.

Attempts at character assassination are not to be taken lightly and has there been a whispering
campaign amongst the clients and your industry -
"well, you know, ever since the wife got the big C, blah blah blah".

You mentioned in another post about that "soul" book (sorry, the title escapes me) that you read which
provided you with a conceptual model that comforted and focused you on the bigger picture. This couple
with their marital drama and it's ripple effect into your life, is not your task to facilitate. Circle your
wagons and do not lose faith in this being a healthy purging of what/who is no longer beneficial.

When anyone tries to make a game of you: teach them the rules.
Reckon most in this forum know now to hold your coat.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
July 2019 : pending liver U/S, colonoscopy
rut roh

User avatar
ginabeewell
Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:30 am

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby ginabeewell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 1:19 am

Thank you. You’ve given me solid advice and a healthy reminder.

The truth is that his employment hasn’t been comfortable since this went down. Every passive aggressive comment had her name on it. It’s almost a relief to have the other shoe drop. That it happened this way maybe even more of a relief as it feels ridiculous to the point of unbelievable.

I will be glad for my husband to be in a place where he is respected and loved as he should be.

But right now it is awful for him, and I think he needs time to process and grieve his loss.
45 year old mom of twins (7) and lucky stepmom of 13 and 16 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets (largest 11 cm)
9/20/18 CEA 931
10/1/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix planned 12 rounds
12/12/18 Routine scan showed typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm. Chemo holiday.
12/26/18 CEA 4.6
1/14/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/27/19 Surgery: HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/8/19 Resume chemo (#9-12) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/20/19 CEA 1.3
7/19/18: 1st of 2 liver resections

stu
Posts: 1132
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:46 pm

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby stu » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:38 am

Hi Gina ,

I am feeling for your husband. That’s a lot of betrayal to process.

Justice aside , long term it will be better for him and for you to be around people he can invest in .
Is the wife a business partner? Unbelievable interference if she is not . She sounds pretty dangerous and facilitated!!

Stu
supporter to my mum who lives a great life despite a difficult diagnosis
stage4 2009 significant spread to liver
2010 colon /liver resection
chemo following recurrence
73% of liver removed
enjoying life treatment free
2016 lung resection
Oct 2017 nice clear scan . Two lung nodules disappeared
Oct 2018. Another clear scan .

stu
Posts: 1132
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:46 pm

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby stu » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:42 am

Also I would delete this . Not to be paranoid but I think if they are that calculating they may have an inclination that you use a forum . A lovely lady I know did the same with a difficult boss . Needed to vent . Unknown to her her boss was following her communication and used it in her dismissal!
Take care ,
Stu
supporter to my mum who lives a great life despite a difficult diagnosis
stage4 2009 significant spread to liver
2010 colon /liver resection
chemo following recurrence
73% of liver removed
enjoying life treatment free
2016 lung resection
Oct 2017 nice clear scan . Two lung nodules disappeared
Oct 2018. Another clear scan .

stu
Posts: 1132
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:46 pm

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby stu » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:43 am

Also I would delete this . Not to be paranoid but I think if they are that calculating they may have an inclination that you use a forum . A lovely lady I know did the same with a difficult boss . Needed to vent . Unknown to her her boss was following her communication and used it in her dismissal!
Take care ,
Stu
supporter to my mum who lives a great life despite a difficult diagnosis
stage4 2009 significant spread to liver
2010 colon /liver resection
chemo following recurrence
73% of liver removed
enjoying life treatment free
2016 lung resection
Oct 2017 nice clear scan . Two lung nodules disappeared
Oct 2018. Another clear scan .

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1117
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Maggie Nell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:40 am

There are layers of betrayal here and if a Managing Partner in the company cannot receiving support when
there is a personal family crisis, then that is certainly not going to inspire those on the lower rungs in the company to
go the extra mile. Not a nice workplace culture at all.

One outcome is a mass exodus of staff....that will please the competitors. Lots to process.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
July 2019 : pending liver U/S, colonoscopy
rut roh

User avatar
ginabeewell
Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:30 am

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby ginabeewell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 6:54 am

FYI the wife is just a wife, she has no connection to the company at all.
Last edited by ginabeewell on Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
45 year old mom of twins (7) and lucky stepmom of 13 and 16 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets (largest 11 cm)
9/20/18 CEA 931
10/1/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix planned 12 rounds
12/12/18 Routine scan showed typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm. Chemo holiday.
12/26/18 CEA 4.6
1/14/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/27/19 Surgery: HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/8/19 Resume chemo (#9-12) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/20/19 CEA 1.3
7/19/18: 1st of 2 liver resections

FightCRC
Posts: 34
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 10:39 pm

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby FightCRC » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:23 am

Wow, this partner was a friend? Some friend. To add this sort of stress to your husband's life while he's dealing with this? That's not a good person, and was likely never a true friend. Sorry your husband had to find this out. But at least now he knows.

I wouldn't actively wish cancer on anyone, but man, sometimes I wish there was such a thing as karma. Like the Johnson & Johnson execs who handled the Codman pump debacle...if they or their family member needed one, maybe then they'd understand.

Stress is bad for everyone, especially a patient. Very sorry you guys have to go through this now. Hopefully will be settled soon.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1117
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Maggie Nell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:01 am

ginabeewell wrote:
FYI the wife is just a wife, she has no connection to the company at all.


....in a nutshell, just your average garden-variety bunny boiler, eh?

:wink:
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
July 2019 : pending liver U/S, colonoscopy
rut roh

User avatar
ginabeewell
Posts: 239
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:30 am

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby ginabeewell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:32 am

Maggie Nell wrote:
ginabeewell wrote:
FYI the wife is just a wife, she has no connection to the company at all.


....in a nutshell, just your average garden-variety bunny boiler, eh?

:wink:


She vowed to my husband in the wake of the initial incident that she would and could take the company down. I don’t think partner realizes now that’s exactly what she’s doing.

Karma is a bitch.
45 year old mom of twins (7) and lucky stepmom of 13 and 16 year olds
9/17/18 DX stage 4 CRC w inoperable liver mets (largest 11 cm)
9/20/18 CEA 931
10/1/18 FOLFOX + Vectibix planned 12 rounds
12/12/18 Routine scan showed typhlitis (7 days in hospital) but largest met down to 5 cm. Chemo holiday.
12/26/18 CEA 4.6
1/14/18 Resume chemo (#6-8)
3/27/19 Surgery: HAI pump placement / colon resection
4/8/19 Resume chemo (#9-12) FOLFOX (no OX) + Vectibix
5/20/19 CEA 1.3
7/19/18: 1st of 2 liver resections

martd
Posts: 102
Joined: Tue Nov 21, 2017 3:48 pm
Location: Phoenix, Az

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby martd » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:30 am

Just a thought here, maybe make some strategic moves, start getting all client's contact info for future employment or even a business venture on his own. Termination happens fast he may end up locked out of all access to the company with no notice. Hope it doesn't come to this but sounds like he will be better off away from that rotten bunch. I agree with the karma comment, they'll get theirs in the end.
49 y/o male dx 11/2017 crc
Stage 4 with 17 liver Mets, cea 490
RAS, BRAF WT Tp53 LOF
12 rounds folfox , avastin
5/18 cea 2.8 liver resection and pve
7/18 part 2 liver resection, remove right side of liver
Surgical site mrsa infection, wound vac
8/18 cea .9 cCR, rectal tumor is gone
Rectal surgery postponed, watch and wait
10/18 clear scan CEA .7
01/19 clear scan CEA .9
04/19 clear scan CEA .9
07/19 clear scan CEA 1.0

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1117
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Maggie Nell » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:34 am

ginabeewell wrote:
She vowed to my husband in the wake of the initial incident that she would and could take the company down. [...]



That sounds a lot like something Alexis Colby (Joan Collins) screeched in an episode of "Dynasty".

Call her bluff.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
July 2019 : pending liver U/S, colonoscopy
rut roh

Utwo
Posts: 253
Joined: Mon May 23, 2016 10:14 am
Location: T.O.

Re: My CRC with liver mets journey

Postby Utwo » Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:43 pm

ginabeewell, be careful when trying to play your "C" card.
I have a perception that employers became smarter in the last few years and playing "C" card, LGBT card, [put whatever name] card became riskier. With a proper documentation on a part of employer such cards are typically useless against a corporate HR/legal machine.
I observed a couple of such cases in the last year and in both cases people decided not to play their cards.

ginabeewell wrote:A few years back, my husband’s partner got accused by his wife of having a fling with an employee. Partner asked my husband to speak with her and that backfired in a big way.
How big is this company?
Does it have any HR or an attorney?
Why was your husband involved in this incident?
Is your husband a skilled player of the office politics?

ginabeewell wrote:Last blowup was about a year ago when my husband put 4 days on the calendar as vacation so he could take his kids to Lolla (Thurs - Sun) and was then accused of not being committed when he tried to protect his weekend and didn’t want to travel Sat-Sun.
The latest is a note that basically sets him up to be fired for cause (he’s a partner so if he’s fired for cause, he loses his stake in the company).
Are you sure that you can 100% trust all these explanation?
Is it possible that these vacations may be just an excuse for getting rid of your husband?
In this case partners of your husband may have much better paper trail to support their case.

ginabeewell wrote:We’ve emailed an attorney already.
You are not going to trust 100% the advice of this lawyer?
Often lawyers encourage litigation even when they do not believe in its success themselve.

Negotiating an "amicable" separation may be a good option for your husband even if he receives noticeably less that he believe he "deserves".
58 yo male at diagnosis: T1bN0M0, 0/15 nodes, low grade/moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma
03/2016 colonoscopy #1: 2 small polyps removed in left colon; CEA = 1.3
04/2016 colonoscopy #2: caecum sessile 3.5 cm polyp piecemeal removed with kind of clear margins
05/2016 "prophylactic" laparoscopic right hemicolectomy - bleeding, leak, infection
06/2017 CT scan, colonoscopy OK; CEA = 1.6
A lot of funny stuff discovered by CT scans in liver, kidney, lungs, arteries, gallbladder and a lymph node


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